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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23952010">Best Part Of Me</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgorah/pseuds/Morgorah'>Morgorah</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 01:47:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>29,832</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23952010</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgorah/pseuds/Morgorah</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Both a lay low at Lupins, and Marauders era fic, we discover how Sirius' life changed after he escaped the dementors' kiss. As he settles into his new life he is able to look back and regain his most precious memories. Will he get the chance to create new ones too?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Sirius Black/Remus Lupin</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Prologue - 1994</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>First Impressions: dark; cold; damp and musty, but the cave would have to do for now, and besides he was used to it, and he’d had a lot worse. At least he wouldn’t get cold he thought, as the hippogriff curled a protective wing around him. He was already drifting off into the blissful land of sleep, his aching and overtired body finally relaxing into the soft feathers. He had a lot to figure out, but it would have to wait until morning. </p><p>By the light of day the depressing cave seemed no different than the night before, but before he could even begin to think, Sirius would need to find something to eat. </p><p>“You hungry?” He asked his feathered companion. </p><p>Buckbeak stomped his foot and dipped his head in the affirmative. </p><p>“Right then, breakfast for two it is then.”</p><p>The wizard looked around the cave. Their options seemed rather limited: rats, bats and a weird mushroom protruding from some funky looking rocks seemed to be their only options. At the back of the cave Sirius did find some fresh running water trickling in through a small gap in the wall, so at least that was something. </p><p>“Buckbeak,” he called to his companion “you think you can find us anything better?”</p><p>With a bow and a flap of his wings the great beast took to the air and left the cave, leaving Sirius suddenly very alone in the dark, with nothing but his own dark thoughts for company. He shivered, not entirely from the cold. His mind was suddenly heavy as he tried to reign in and make sense of them all. Peter; Harry; Remus; it was just all too much. He couldn’t make sense of anything anymore and images of the previous day had begun flashing before his eyes all at once, causing him to stumble and trip over a loose rock. </p><p>Focus He told himself, screwing his eyes shut and not even bothering to pick himself up off the ground. This ridiculous situation he now found himself in was just one giant fucked up mess, and to top it all off it had been for nothing, because the rat had gotten away! Anger flared in his chest at the thought of that wormy traitor. All this time he’d had one goal: avenge James and Lily, and he had failed them, again.</p><p>Sirius thought of Harry, so like his father it had been almost too painful to see him in the flesh. He couldn’t fail them, not this time, and right there and then in that miserable cave Sirius vowed that he would do whatever it took to protect James and Lily’s son, his godson. He had wanted to offer Harry a home, to be a family, but that was no longer an option. Where he was supposed to go from here he really had no clue, but one thing he knew for certain: he would be there for Harry no matter what the cost.</p><p>In the oppressive silence Sirius laughed bitterly at the irony of it all. How could he be there for someone else when he could hardly take care of himself? Who would put their trust in him? He had failed his friends and he had hurt the people he had loved the most. Yet there was the smallest glimmer of hope, because after all this time Remus had welcomed him with open arms, and for those few brief moments Sirius had felt lighter than he could ever remember. </p><p>Sweet Remus Lupin, the years had not been kind to the werewolf. The once handsome boy was now worn and haggard from his condition. Sirius closed his eyes again and pictured the boy he once knew, with his sandy blonde hair and bright eyes. They had discovered everything together, Remus and he. Yes James had been Sirius’ best friend, but Remus had been his first love. He had been his only love. There was no way Remus could ever love him now though, not after everything he’d done. As Sirius sat in that damp cold cave waiting for Buckbeak to return he let his mind wander back to when they had met; when they had been young and free and had no idea of what lay ahead of them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Starting Hogwarts - 1971</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Do the family proud.”</p><p>That was all that Walburga Black had said to her son before she promptly about turned and disappeared through the barrier, without so much as a goodbye. At first Sirius hadn’t moved, simply stood and stared at the huge red engine, the means of his escape. Do the family proud, he thought. Not a fucking chance. No. 11 year old Sirius Black was not going to do his family proud, he was going to do everything in his power to besmirch the name of the Moste Ancient and Noble House of Black.</p><p>On board the train Sirius found himself an empty compartment, stored his luggage on the rack and settled down for the journey. He had it all planned out: they expected him to be a good little pure blood Slytherin, his family, the type who doesn’t go around making friends with the wrong sort. He was supposed to get perfect grades and maintain the impeccable reputation of the Blacks, but Sirius knew that just wasn’t who he was. Everything his family had ever taught him, everything they stood for, it disgusted him. He had learned the hard way to keep his opinions to himself at home, but now that he was heading to Hogwarts he was finally free to be himself.</p><p>His thoughts were interrupted when the compartment door slid open, and two boys filed into the room. One was tall with messy black hair and glasses, and he had a confidence about him and a mischievous grin Sirius recognised all too well. The other boy was shorter with sandy blonde hair, brown eyes, and was staring sheepishly at the floor, although he wasn’t quite able to hide the small smile that graced his gentle features. The two boys sat down opposite Sirius, and the dark haired one looking him up and down. </p><p>“You’re Sirius Black,” he said matter-of-factly, taking Sirius completely by surprise.</p><p>“I’m sorry do I know you?” he asked defensively.</p><p>“James Potter,” the boy replied, offering his hand.</p><p>Potter, he knew that name, the family were well known in the wizarding community but not one of the sacred 28. His family believed the Potters’ blood had been tainted by muggles, and therefore they were not to be trusted. This was perfect, it would be his first act of defiance: he would make friends with the Potter boy!</p><p>“Pleased to meet you,” he said, shaking the proffered hand.  </p><p>And so the three young boys spent the rest of the journey to Scotland getting to know one another, and very quickly became friends. The other boy’s name was Remus Lupin, and he didn’t talk very much, but Sirius found himself taking an instant liking to him anyway. He couldn’t place it, but there was just something fascinating about him. He found himself smiling whenever their eyes met, he found himself smiling a lot on that journey in fact, and he just had this feeling that the three of them were going to be really great friends.</p><p>Many hours later the train finally pulled to a halt just as the sky was turning dark. The students were ushered out onto the platform, and Sirius jumped in fright as a loud voice bellowed “First years over ‘ere, first years this way!” He instantly snarled when his eyes fell upon the unnaturally giant man. It was just one of those things that had been ingrained in him from a very young age: never trust a half breed. Giants, centaurs, werewolf’s, they were all filthy. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” James asked as he came up beside him.</p><p>“I don’t trust him,” Sirius replied honestly, nodding towards the very large and hairy man holding a lantern.</p><p>“Why not?” Remus asked from his other side.</p><p>“Well look at him,” Sirius scoffed as though it were obvious “he’s clearly a half breed, half giant half Merlin knows what else! Why would they even let a man like that into a school?”</p><p>Neither of his new friends knew what to say. James’ mouth had fallen open in shock and Remus simply looked at him sadly before walking away. He looked so disappointed, and Sirius honestly couldn’t understand why. What had he done wrong? Didn’t all wizards mistrust halfbreeds?</p><p>As the boats carried them across the lake with the majestic castle looming above them Sirius had mixed emotions: he was finally here, free at last from the tight bonds his family held over him; but at the same time he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had ruined any chances of friendship with James and Remus, and he didn’t even know what he had done wrong. He tried to catch Remus’ eye and smile when he did, but the smile was not returned. It was probably for the best; Sirius didn’t deserve friends like them anyway, and he doubted either of them were going to be sorted into Slytherin like he was, so that would be the end of it. </p><p>It came as a huge surprise when Sirius himself was not sorted into Slytherin! Almost everyone in the great hall, teachers and students alike, had fallen silent in surprise as the name ‘Gryffindor’ echoed around the room. It took a moment to sink in; it was completely unheard of, never before had a Black been sorted into any other house than Slytherin. Sirius sat motionless on the stool, unsure of what he was supposed to do. His first thought was of his parents and how they were going to punish him for this. His second thought was of his parents, and how this was the perfect act of defiance, because it was completely out of anyone’s control. A wide grin slowly spread across his face as he stood up, almost in slow motion and making him look half mad. He nodded to Professor McGonagall who took the Sorting Hat from his head, and made his way over to the Gryffindor table.</p><p>Once he was seated McGonagall cleared her throat to gain everyone’s attention. “Crabbe, Vincent!” she called.</p><p>A small plump boy made his way to the stool and sat down. The relief on his face was evident when the hat shouted “Slytherin!”</p><p>From his seat at the Gryffindor table Sirius watched as his fellow first years were sorted. Evans, Lily was the first to join him in his new house. She was a pretty red head who smiled shyly at him as she sat down. When Lupin, Remus and Potter, James both joined them he couldn’t quite meet their eyes. He grimaced as the disappointment from earlier came flooding back. He would have to make amends if they were going to live together for the next 7 years. </p><p>Fortunately as the evening’s festivities wore on James seemed to forget whatever had bothered him before and the two chatted away as if they had been friends all their lives. They talked about everything and anything from classes to Quidditch to chocolate frog cards. The same could not be said for Remus, he spent most of the evening talking to a short chubby blonde boy, and quite pointedly looked away whenever Sirius tried to catch his attention.</p><p>By the time everyone made their way to the dorms Sirius was too tired to really pay attention to where they were going.  He found himself in front of a portrait of a rather obese lady who was asking for the password. The prefect leading them gave it and held the portrait open for the rest of the students to follow. Sirius now found himself in a cosy round room filled with comfy sofas and armchairs, and there was a warm fireplace set into one of the walls. He felt a flood of warmth shoot through him that he had never experienced before. The room was such a sharp contrast to his home in Grimmauld Place that he instantly fell in love with it. He had never seen a room so warm and welcoming before. </p><p>After a brief introduction to the Gryffindor common room the prefects led the first years up a set of narrow spiralling staircases to their new dorms. Sirius’ room was made up of 4 beds dressed in red and gold bedsheets to match the rest of the Gryffindor interior, with their respective trunks at the end of each bed and a metal fireplace in the middle. Sirius walked over to the bed with the chest labelled S.B at the foot of it and sat down. He was really very tired and honestly he just wanted to sleep, but as he watched Remus out of the corner of his eye chatting to the blonde boy again who apparently shared a room with them he got that nagging feeling of disappointment again.</p><p>“You all right, Sirius?” James asked as he flopped down onto his own bed.</p><p>Sirius snapped out of it, he realised he had been staring at Remus, who looked up at James’ question and caught Sirius’ eyes as he went to look away. Their eyes held for a moment, and in the end Remus just couldn’t stop himself from smiling shyly. Sirius smiled back, relieved. It seemed that maybe, just maybe, they could still be friends after all.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Letters - 1994</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It had been 12 days since Sirius’ escape from Hogwarts. His seclusion had given him ample time to think about everything from Harry, to Hogwarts, to dementors, and of course Remus. The latter occupied the majority of his thoughts as Sirius let himself remember everything about him for the first time in 12 years. Azkaban had drained him of all the good memories of course, so that all was left was the shame of what he had done, but having actually seen Remus in the flesh they were now ever so slowly coming back to him. </p><p>It was just a little at first, a picture in his mind or something sweet one of them had said to the other, but then he hadn’t been able to stop the rush of memories playing out in his mind like a private movie. To his surprise Sirius now found himself smiling more often than not, despite the rather dismal situation he now found himself in. He was yet to work up the courage to actually get in contact with the man, or anyone else for that matter. He was still biding his time.</p><p>He had stayed well hidden, changing location sometimes twice a day. He spent a lot of time as Padfoot because it just seemed easier, and he made sure Buckbeak was well cared for too. Although it was by no means pleasant Sirius embraced the freedom his new life offered. He had come to terms with it and he was OK with it. Besides it wasn’t about him, it never had been; Harry and Remus were all that mattered to him now. </p><p>With all of this in mind, Sirius (as Padfoot) crept into a quiet wizarding village near the Scottish Borders. It was the dead of night, and it was the closest to Hogwarts he’d come since that first cave, and the closest he dared to. He was about to leave the country for a while but first there was something he had to do. After observing the village for a couple of days to get the layout of the streets and clock the comings and goings of the villagers it was time to complete his task. The Owlery lay at the end of the second alley on the right, the owner of which slept in an apartment above. There was a hatch in the yard behind that led to the cellar; all he needed was some parchment, some ink and an owl.</p><p>Getting inside the small building was easy enough, as was obtaining the parchment and the ink, which he slipped into a small leather pouch he carried around his waist. It was the owl that proved most difficult. For obvious reasons, mainly apposable thumbs, he couldn’t change back into the dog, and the well trained and intelligent birds knew something wasn’t right as soon as the door creaked open. As he lifted the smallest sleeping owl from her perch, trying his hardest not to disturb her, one of her companions let out a loud hoot of alarm. He made for the hatch as quickly as he could, clambered up the steps, but just as he felt the cold sting of the night air, something or someone grabbed his foot.</p><p>He turned around sharply to find a plump old man, face scarlet and striped pyjamas askew. There was no sign of recognition to show he knew who Sirius was, but he was clearly livid that he was being robbed. Sirius noticed that the man did not have his wand on him. Thinking quickly he used his free hand to grab his own wand, firing it at the man, and silently casting the first spell that came to his mind. The man let go of him to jump out of the way, they both lost their balance and tumbled back down the steps together, and as they landed in a heap at the bottom the owl broke free of Sirius’ grasp. He fired another spell at the shopkeeper, this time hitting him square in the chest. The man froze, and then crumpled to the ground. Sirius inched closer to make sure he was still alive.  </p><p>“No hard feelings,” Sirius said as he backed away, “It should wear off in a few minutes.”</p><p>Once he was clear of the little shop Sirius ran as fast as his legs could carry him, out of the village, into the woods, over the “bridge” that was actually a log and into the hollow that was his temporary hideout. He set the pouch on a large boulder and turned back towards the opening to cast his protective charms. Only then did he let himself collapse on the ground, struggling to catch his breath. That had been too close. </p><p>Sirius woke early the next morning, momentarily feeling warm and safe thanks to the large wing that covered him. He knew he couldn’t linger, the Owlery owner would have told the other villagers of the break in, and once they realised he wasn’t one of their own they would come looking for him. He only hoped his enchantments would hold long enough for him to do what he had to do. There was still the problem of finding an owl, but for now he had a parchment and ink, and thanks to Beaky, a quill. </p><p>Dear Harry,</p><p>He began the first letter, pausing, quill hovering inches from the parchment. </p><p>I hope this finds you before you reach your Aunt and Uncle. I don't know whether they're used to owl post. Buckbeak and I are in hiding.</p><p>And that’s as far as he got when he heard the sound of distant voices. Without hesitation he gathered his few belongings, woke Buckbeak as gently as he could so as not to startle him and climbed on. </p><p>“We need to go,” he whispered. </p><p>Buckbeak ducked out of the hollow and took to the air, flying as high as he could as quickly as he could so as not to be seen. They flew for 20 miles or so before Sirius finally gave the OK to land on a large outcrop at the edge of some hills, the nearest civilisation out of sight on the other side of them. Once they had landed Sirius scouted for somewhere safe to hide, and found that beside the rocks was a small burn that flowed through the wild undergrowth, meandering until it came to a sort of underpass. As he and Buckbeak were settling in here Sirius spotted something move out of the corner of his eye. It was a small injured owl; at least it appeared to be injured as it hobbled along the ground. When it suddenly sprung into the air and made to escape Buckbeak blocked its path with his outstretched wings. The owl fell and Sirius caught it in his arms.</p><p>“Sorry,” he said, “but I have a job for you.”</p><p>Sirius read over the completed letter to his godson. He had explained that he thought the dementors were still chasing him and that he planned to let himself be sighted far from Hogwarts so that the security would be lifted. He told him that Harry’s Firebolt was a 13th birthday present from him, and he apologised for frightening him the summer before. He also enclosed a permission slip for Harry to visit Hogsmeade, and suggested Ron might like to keep the owl seeing as he didn’t have a rat anymore.</p><p>It wasn’t anywhere near everything he had wanted to say, but there would be plenty of opportunities to say more in the future, and he didn’t want to come across too strong. So he had kept his message lighthearted, and hoped that Harry knew he could come to him if he ever needed his help. With Harry’s letter done, it was time to write a far more difficult one.</p><p>With the wages he had earned from his one year of teaching at Hogwarts, Remus had managed to buy himself a small secluded lodge near the south shore of England. It was secluded enough that there was no need to worry about monthly disturbances. After everything that had happened at the end of the school year Remus was glad of the solitude, and like Sirius it had given him time to think. Unlike Sirius however, Remus was not reliving happy memories, he was trying to convince himself that no matter what he might feel about the man he once knew, he had to put Sirius out of his mind. It was easier said than done of course; these days it seemed that he was constantly engaged in an internal battle with himself. </p><p>He’s innocent, it wasn’t his fault!</p><p>But he’s still a convict, he’s on the run!</p><p>He looked so different, like a mere shadow of his former self. I wish I could help him.</p><p>I can’t help him, what have I got to offer?</p><p>And it continued on, round and round in his head for almost two weeks, until it nearly drove him crazy. That’s when arrived: </p><p>My Dear Moony, <br/>Words cannot express how incredible it felt to see you again after all these years, and words cannot explain how sorry I am for the pain I have caused you. <br/>As you will have guessed I am in hiding, and will be leaving the country as soon as I can. Before I go I have one request: Forgive Me. I know you and I can never be what we once were, no matter how much my heart yearns for it, but in all the years that I spent in that dreadful place only one thought kept me from losing everything: that once upon a time, you loved me. I cannot and will not ask anything more of you, and I don’t even know if I will ever hear from you or see you again. Keep safe Remus. <br/>Love,<br/>Padfoot.</p><p>Tears fell from his eyes as Moony clutched the letter to his chest, he had read it over and over until the words were a blur.</p><p>“I forgive you,” he whispered to the empty room.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Revelations - 1973</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>By the end of his second year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Sirius Black had learnt a great many things. He had learnt spells and potions and how to read the stars of course, but beyond that he had learnt far more valuable lessons about friendship and of home. Hogwarts was undoubtedly his home, of that much he was certain. The summer break back at Grimmauld Place after his first year at the school was something of a mystery to his friends, because Sirius never spoke of it. He hated keeping secrets from them, because they truly were the best friends anyone could wish for, even Peter, but there were just some things that weren’t meant to be shared, and that was by far the most important lesson he had learnt so far. </p><p>Throughout his first two years there had been slip ups, very much like that first day when he had slandered Hagrid (who turned out to be the gentlest giant you could ever meet, and who seemed to have taken a liking to the four Gryffindors). Growing up, Sirius had always been quick to adapt, learning what to say and what not to so as to avoid getting into trouble. In a short space of time it became pretty easy to adapt here too. The attitude of his peers at Hogwarts was the complete opposite to that of his family at home, and Sirius loved it because for the first time in his life he felt he could actually be himself. </p><p>Secrets aside his friends accepted him for who he was, but they were also observant and had grown suspicious, not of Sirius himself, he was their friend and they trusted him, but of his family. Whenever Sirius was particularly emotionally vulnerable that’s when the cracks would start to show, and that’s when they would get a glimpse of the old Sirius Black, the one they really knew very little of.</p><p>For the most part Sirius and his friends simply had fun. The bond they shared was inexplicable yet undeniable. Sirius thought of James as a brother, Remus was like this part of him that he never realised was missing until it was there, and Peter was the final piece to their puzzle. Together they had set upon one very important mission: to rule all of the school! General rule breaking wasn’t going to cut it either. Sneaking out of their dorms for midnight rendezvous was a given, as were the most basic of pranks and classroom disruptions. They had made an unusual alliance with the ever mischievous poltergeist Peeves, but not quite content they had set their sights even higher. It wasn’t just a matter of popularity you see; it was a matter of respect, respect from every single student in the school. This was their school, and by the time they left at the end of their seventh year, they wanted to be legends. </p><p>Most of the Gryffindors seemed happy enough to go along with their charades, never really getting in their way. Only the pretty red head, Lily Evans seemed bothered. The Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs mostly kept to themselves so they weren’t much of an issue, and so it was only the Slytherins who were the real challenge, and one Slytherin in particular: greasy haired, hook nosed Severus Snape. The school year was ending and there was only one week left to play the mother of all pranks on Snivellus Snape. They had planned to do it the week before, but Remus had had to go home to look after his sick mother again. The four were huddled up together on Sirius’ bed, chatting excitedly as they tried to come up with ideas.</p><p>“Oh, oh, what about the inflating charm!” Peter squeaked excitedly.</p><p>“Nah we used that on Bertie last month,” said James, frowning thoughtfully. “We still have some of that sleeping draught; we could put some in Snivel’s pumpkin juice?” </p><p>“He’ll never let us close enough” replied Sirius. “What do you think Remus?” he asked.</p><p>Remus’ head jerked up.</p><p>“Were you sleeping?” James asked incredulously. </p><p>Remus’ face began to colour in embarrassment. “Yeah, sorry,” he said, “I didn’t get much sleep with my mum being unwell again.”</p><p>James nodded and looked at him sympathetically, but Sirius recognised something all too familiar in his eyes in that moment. “Are you sure you’re alright?” he asked quietly so that only Remus could hear.</p><p>“I’m fine, don’t worry about me” Remus whispered, and as he looked up at him they both suddenly realised they had something in common; that they both had something they were trying very hard to hide.</p><p>“Ahem” James coughed to gain their attention.</p><p>“Gentlemen, I have got it,” he announced “I am going to let you guys in on a little secret; actually it’s a pretty big one.” Sirius and Remus looked at each other. “Remember last year when I snuck into the kitchens, when I found out about Mary snogging that fifth year?” The others nodded, intrigued. “Well the time has come for me to reveal my secret weapon, the reason I am able to be so sneaky.” he announced with a grin.</p><p>James jumped off his bed, went over to his trunk and pulled out a silky robe, holding it up with a “Tada!” Only Sirius seemed to know what it actually was, and his mouth fell open.</p><p>“Merlin James, is that what I think it is?” he asked.</p><p>“Well if you think it’s an invisibility cloak then yes Black, it is” James answered with a grin, and then he proceeded to wrap the cloak around himself, and disappear. The other two gasped. </p><p>“Why are you just telling us about this now? Do you have any idea how useful this could have been over the last two years?” asked Sirius.</p><p>“Why yes I do, but I had to make sure I could trust you guys first didn’t I?”</p><p>The word caught Sirius off-guard; trust. Here was James, sharing one of his biggest secrets with him, those cloaks were extremely rare and it was no wonder he had kept it hidden, and here he was unable to tell any of them the truth because he was just too scared to speak it out loud.</p><p> </p><p>With the invisibility cloak the four 13 year olds did indeed manage to pull off the mother of all pranks: every single item of Snape’s belongings had been scattered around the castle, and it had taken him three whole days to find everything. Sirius hadn’t laughed so hard in forever; it had even been enough to briefly take his mind off his impending return home. With just three days left until the end of term however, he now started to withdraw within himself, preparing for the inevitable torture once he was reunited with his family. As his friends all celebrated their victory downstairs in the common room, Sirius snuck up to their dorm. Once inside he closed the curtains around his bed, and let his head fall into his hands.</p><p>Remus had spotted him leave. Concerned for his friend he followed him, and upon entering their dorm he could hear the sobs coming from Sirius’ bed. He called his name softly so as not to startle him, but there was no answer. Remus gently pulled back the curtain and not knowing what else to do sat down beside his friend, wrapping his arms around him. </p><p>“Shhh” he said softly “whatever it is it’ll be OK”</p><p>Sirius half laughed, half sobbed into his friend’s shoulder. “No it won’t” he retorted.</p><p>“OK” Remus said, pausing to think as he stroked Sirius’ hair out of the way to look at him. “Do you want to talk about it?” He asked.</p><p>Sirius shook his head as he met his eyes, and he saw that familiar look again. He knew instinctively that this was someone he could trust. </p><p>“I don’t want to go home” he said eventually, so quietly that Remus almost missed it.</p><p>“Why not?” Remus asked softly. </p><p>Sirius shook his head again, wrapping his arms around himself and hiding his face. He couldn’t do it, he just couldn’t bring himself to say it aloud. </p><p>“Is it your family?” Remus pressed.</p><p>The tiniest of nods. Remus sucked in a breath, he had suspected there was something going on in the Black household, he knew it was none of his business but he cared for Sirius more than he had ever expected to. </p><p>“They’re not happy with you being in Gryffindor are they?” he asked rhetorically.</p><p>Sirius laugh was not humorous. “You could say that” he bit out.</p><p>Remus tried to encourage him to tell him more. “It can’t be that bad. Sure they’re upset just now but you’re they’re son, I’m sure they’ll come around, it’s maybe just a little hard for them to digest”</p><p>“Oh they’ve digested it, trust me, they just really enjoy reminding me how much of a disgrace I am to them.” As soon as the words were out he wanted to take them back, he hadn’t meant to say that much. He tried to hide his face again, to hide how frightened he suddenly was.</p><p>“I do trust you.” The words were spoken softly but firm. “And you can trust me Sirius, I won’t press you, but I… I’m here for you.”</p><p>The kind words were too much and Sirius broke down in tears again. He was shaking violently now and when Remus reached to take his hand he pulled away, suddenly full of terror. “I shouldn’t have told you this!” he gasped, hands flying to cover his mouth. “I shouldn’t have said anything, I should have kept my mouth shut!” he berated himself. Remus didn’t expect this reaction at all and it made him think that there was something else that Sirius wasn’t telling him, and then suddenly it all clicked into place.</p><p>“Sirius?” he asked firmly. “Do they hurt you?”</p><p>Sirius froze, barely allowing himself to breath. </p><p>“Sirius Black, answer me.” </p><p>Sirius let out a sob and nodded minutely, but before his friend could even respond he grabbed him forcefully by the wrists. “You can’t tell anyone, no one can know.”  </p><p>He looked so afraid that all Remus could do was nod. He knew the importance of secrets, and Sirius needed him to keep his.  “Of course,” he said, and he pulled Sirius into a hug before he could pull away again. “Merlin Sirius, I am so sorry.” </p><p>They stayed like that for some time, just holding each other before Sirius moved away to wipe his tears. He took a deep breath and then said rather shakily “Thank you.”</p><p>“No problem, I’ll always be here for you Sirius.”</p><p>Sirius smiled. “Thank you,” he said again.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Safe - 1994</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Two month had passed since Sirius sent his letter to Remus, and he was yet to receive a reply. He had no idea where his friend was, how he was doing, or if he had even received his letter in the first place. He had left the country, just as he said he would, still constantly keeping on the move. He had started to accept that this was going to be his life now; living on the run with a Hippogriff as his only companion. That was until he received Harry’s rather alarming letter.</p><p>His words had started off lightly enough, something about his overweight cousin and some muggle contraption, but then he had mentioned that his scar was hurting again, and that he thought it might mean something to do with You-Know-Who. Sirius agreed, so he scribbled a hasty reply on the spare bit of parchment Harry had kindly sent with Hedwig.</p><p>Harry,<br/>I'm flying north immediately. This news about your scar is the latest in a series of strange rumours that have reached me here. If it hurts again, go straight to Dumbledore - they're saying he's got Mad-Eye out of retirement, which means he's reading the signs, even if no one else is. I'll be in touch soon. My best to Ron and Hermione. Keep your eyes open, Harry.<br/>Sirius</p><p>Flying north was a bit of an understatement, but he figured that by the time Hedwig reached Harry he’d be safely hidden somewhere in the UK. You see he had indeed heard strange rumours, even here in, well he wasn’t quite sure where he was anymore. Wherever it was he had found a small British Wizarding Colony and had been sneaking in as Padfoot for supplies, and had overheard Dumbledore’s name on more than one occasion. Intrigued he had hung around longer than intended, just to find out what people were saying, and it hadn’t been pleasant. At least Harry would be safe for now with the Weasley’s, which was of some small comfort.</p><p>When he returned to the country Sirius was greeted, to great surprise, by a letter from Dumbledore himself. Horrified, he read of the events that had occurred at the Quidditch World Cup Final, and even more so Harry’s involvement in them! He was so shocked by the news that he hadn’t even noticed the second page at first. It was only as he hastily stuffed the parchment into his bag, and the parchment fell to the floor that he realised there was more to the message.</p><p>It read: In light of these events I fear for your safety. Harry has informed me that you are returning to the country; therefor I have arranged a safe place for you to stay. The location is well protected and I am sure you will be in good company. </p><p>And at the very bottom of the page was an address, or rather a series of addresses and instructions on how to travel safely to the final destination. A safe place? Sirius wondered. He didn’t recognise any of the locations described, but he trusted Dumbledore, so he gathered his things and set off at once.</p><p>It was a long and rather complicated journey, and Sirius was sure he was constantly going back on himself or at the very least in circles, but he supposed that was the point. His final destination was a small cottage at the edge of a forest. It looked almost abandoned save for the signs of a warm fire inside; crops growing off to one side; and if you looked really closely a well-travelled trail leading from the back of the building into the woods themselves. Who actually lived here was anyone’s guess. </p><p>Taking a deep breath Sirius knocked on the door. He could hear movement inside, and then the door opened. Sirius’ mouth fell open. </p><p>“Remus?” </p><p>His voice croaked from lack of use.</p><p>Remus simply smiled at him. “Well don’t just stand there gaping at me, get in.”</p><p>He motioned for Sirius to follow and then stood aside to let him enter. Sirius was hesitant at first but was lured by the warmth and the smell of something delicious roasting in the kitchen. Once he was inside Sirius looked at the man before him. </p><p>“I don’t understand, what…?”</p><p>“When the attack happened at the Quidditch World Cup Dumbledore contacted me immediately, asking if I had heard from you. When I explained you had left the country he assured me you would return, and he was right, here you are. I was more than happy to offer my home to my dear old friend of course.”</p><p>Sirius took all of this in, a number of questions springing to mind all at once, but what he actually found himself asking was “So you got my letter then?”</p><p>Remus smiled, and tried to fight the light tinge that coloured his cheeks as he nodded. He refused to say any more. The letter had brought back feelings for Sirius he had fought too long and too hard to forget, and he refused to let them resurface. Just because Sirius was now going to be living in his home didn’t mean he was going to let him back into his heart.</p><p>“Are you hungry?” He asked instead.</p><p>Sirius understood the dismissal. </p><p>“Starving,” he replied.</p><p>He followed Remus into the kitchen where he found a large oak table set for two. Two large glasses of butterbeer were set at either end, and as Sirius took his seat Remus served him the roast. He hadn’t tasted anything like it in longer than he could even remember. As his food digested he allowed himself a moment to actually think about this surprising turn of events, and he knew that although things were certainly going to be pretty awkward between the two of them for a while, just being with Remus really did make him feel safe. Being with Remus had always made him feel safe.</p><p>1973</p><p>The sight of the bright red engine was just as exciting now as it had been two years before. Sirius was about to start his 3rd year at Hogwarts. The summer would have been, once again almost unbearable, had it not been for Remus. His friend’s frequent owls laden with letters and gifts had been his one saving grace. Although he himself had had as much fun as a clown at a funeral, it had been great to hear about his friends’ exciting holiday to the Maldives and the mischief he had gotten up to at James’. But what had really kept Sirius going were Remus’ constant words of encouragement. </p><p>Sirius had been unable to meet with his friends at all this summer. When James’ Dad had floo called to invite Sirius over to stay for a couple of days the two fathers had ended up in a heated argument, and as a result Sirius had been banned from leaving the house. He had hoped the ban would have been lifted so that he could at least go to Diagon Alley, but his mother had picked up all his school supplies when she had gone with Regulus instead. By the time the 1st of September finally came around Sirius felt like he was losing his mind, and those words of encouragement had been the only thing keeping him going at all.</p><p>“Wow Sirius, you look awful!”</p><p>“Nice to see you too James,” Sirius said sarcastically, but there was no stopping the grin that spread across his face as he embraced his best friend in a hug. “Ready for another year?” He asked.</p><p>“Sure am, just need to wait on Remus and Pete and we’re all set to go. You won’t believe the prank I have lined up for the journey! I figured we could get a head start, seeing as McGonagall will be watching us like a hawk once we get to school.”</p><p>“Sounds like a plan. Hey look, there they are now!”</p><p>Remus and Peter were making their way towards them through the crowds on the platform, laughing at something funny one of them must have said. Sirius felt a fleeting flutter in his stomach that he took for excitement at seeing his friends again after months apart. As the boys’ neared however, Sirius felt his smile falter. Something wasn’t right; Remus was limping slightly, and holding his arm at an odd angle. </p><p>“What happened?” He asked immediately.</p><p>“I think the words you are looking for are ‘Hi Remus, it’s good to see you.’”</p><p>Sirius looked at him sheepishly. “Right, of course. Hi. Are you OK?’</p><p>“I’m fine, just a broom accident, nothing to worry about.”</p><p>It was pretty clear from the look on his face that Remus wanted to drop the subject, so Sirius tried to let it go, even if he wasn’t fully satisfied with his story. Throughout the journey to Hogwarts he kept an eye on him and Remus wasn’t sure what to make of it. There wasn’t just curiosity behind that look, there was something else too, he just couldn’t figure out what.</p><p>Remus knew that Sirius was a good friend who really cared about him, and he hadn’t forgotten how Sirius had confided in him either. He’d never experienced that before; as a child he had always been the one that needed the support of others. He had been determined that he wasn’t going to be that dependant little boy at Hogwarts. No one knew of his affliction, and so he had worked really hard at being the boy he had always wanted to be. At first it hadn’t been easy, but he soon found that the more time he spent with his friends (and for some reason when he was with Sirius in particular) the easier it seemed to become, and in the end he was the one making someone else feel safe. </p><p>He supposed his connection with Sirius was because he saw much of himself in him; the secrets and the desire to be someone new. That was why he had written to him so much over the summer; he hadn’t wanted Sirius to feel alone of course, but talking to Sirius had actually made him feel safe too. As he watched his friend who had now fallen asleep and was dozing lightly beside him, he wondered just how safe he was with Sirius, with all of his friends. Keeping his secret was a heavy burden to bear, and maybe, just maybe, he didn’t have to bear it alone. He wondered if it was time to share his secret.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Revelations Pt2 - 1974</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus Lupin was driving Sirius mad. Now that they had spent almost three years sharing a dorm together he knew without a doubt that the boy was harbouring a secret, and not something trivial, this was something big and something dark. The signs were obvious, well they were to him at least. Sirius knew he had to confront him. He had shared his darkest secret with Remus and it had made a whole world of difference knowing that he had someone he could talk to, someone who actually cared. Remus had become this beacon of light that he had never expected to have, and he wanted more than anything to return the favour. He tried to talk to him, to get him to open up, but the more that he did the more Remus retreated into himself and pushed his friend away. </p><p>It really upset him that his friend wouldn’t confide in him. It wasn’t that he didn’t respect the boy’s privacy, but he thought that Remus trusted him. Too hurt to deal with the implications of it all Sirius stopped hanging out with his friends, found a distraction in girls, and made a name for himself among the female population of the school. Although the 14 year old appeared to be enjoying himself immensely, he was actually hurting inside far more than he cared to admit.</p><p>Remus looked disgustedly towards the couple in the corner. He didn’t even know the girl’s name, and only identified her as a Ravenclaw from her blue tie. The boy he recognised all too well and he felt his heart stutter, before an anger rose up and he strode from the room and up to his dorm.  He was greeted by his two friends who were playing a game of exploding snap together. At least they seemed pleased to see him after his ‘weekend away.’</p><p>“Hey, buddy” said James as he got up and gave him a friendly slap on the shoulder. Remus winced but smiled to hide the pain, James too oblivious to notice. “How’s your Mum?” He was asking.</p><p>“She’s OK” Remus lied easily “I’m glad to be back though.”</p><p>It was close to midnight when Sirius finally joined them, and by then Remus had gone to bed, his curtains closed shut around him. Sirius had been very persistent in trying to get him to reveal his secret, and for a brief moment he had been very tempted, but the overwhelming fear of everyone finding out what he was, and the consequences of that was far far stronger. He needed to protect himself, but in doing so he had driven his friend away. He had been beyond hurt when Sirius stopped talking to him, and even more so when he ditched James and Pete too, but seeing him with those girls, unexpectedly that had been what hurt him the most.</p><p>He soon came to understand that it was more than just affection that he held for the Black Heir. The connection they both had previously shared was one thing, but now Remus accepted the truth. It had all started with these dreams, in which the random girl in Sirius’ arms would be replaced by himself. Safe to say he was initially very surprised and confused by them, but the more he thought about it and the more they occurred, the more it actually started to make a lot of sense. The obvious revelation was that he was gay, which actually didn’t startle him at all because it just felt right somehow, but of all the people to be attracted to, Sirius Black had to be the least convenient. At least I only have one more full moon to get through he told himself, and then it would be summer, and he wouldn’t have to see him every day for a few months. </p><p>That last full moon was the worst Remus had experienced at Hogwarts yet. The morning after the interior of the Shrieking Shak was in ruins and come Monday morning he was still in the hospital wing. He figured the wolf had reacted badly to his emotionally charged state. As he lay in his bed in the hospital wing he thought of his friends, and hoped that James and Pete weren’t too worried about him. He thought about Sirius too, and wondered if he had even noticed he was missing. Probably not; any thoughts of Remus would be the last thing on his mind. Remus sighed sadly.</p><p>Up in the common room however, Sirius had noted Remus’ absence, and was confronting James and Peter about it at that very moment.</p><p>“What do you mean he hasn’t come back yet? Where the hell is he then?” It hadn’t taken much for his pent up emotions to break.</p><p>“Why do you even care?” James shouted back. He was so angry at Sirius, and if he wanted a fight then he would get one. Sirius was supposed to have been his best friend, and he had ditched him like an unwanted chocolate frog card, for girls! You don’t desert your brothers for girls!</p><p>“Of course I care James, Remus is my… well he’s my…” It suddenly dawned on Sirius that he didn’t know how to finish that sentence. Remus was his what? His friend? His brother? He was more than either of those things, and Sirius had abandoned him because of something as stupid as his hurt pride.</p><p>“He’s your what, Sirius?” James demanded.</p><p>“He’s my friend” Sirius replied quietly, sadly, with his head bowed. The realisation of what he had done hit him full force, and for the first time in weeks he saw things clearly. He looked to James and to Peter, he hadn’t meant to hurt either of them. He croaked their names, but didn’t know what else to say.</p><p>“What, you really have nothing to say to us? How about I’m sorry for abandoning you? Huh? That would be a good start. Or how about you tell us what was so damn important to you that you decided we weren’t? Tell us why you turned your back on your brothers!?”</p><p>“It was like that,” Sirius tried to explain. </p><p>“Well what was it then?”</p><p>“I just wanted… I just…” How could he explain without bringing Remus into it, he couldn’t hurt him anymore than he already had, and if he wouldn’t open up to Sirius then he certainly didn’t want anyone else to know that something was going on. </p><p>“You’re a bastard Black, and we should have known better than to make friends with the likes of you. I don’t know what the sorting hat was thinking because you are no Gryffindor. Why don’t you go back to Slytherin where you belong?”</p><p>And that was all it took for Sirius to snap. He was NOT a Slytherin, he was nothing like his family, and before he could think any better of it he had his wand drawn.</p><p>“Oh so now you’re going to fight me, is that it? Go on then, give it your best shot” taunted James.</p><p>“I am NOT a Slytherin!” Sirius declared angrily.</p><p>“Sure as hell looks like it from here.”</p><p>Sirius flicked his wrist hard, but purposefully aimed for the space between his two dorm mates. </p><p>“You missed,” James taunted again.</p><p>“I meant to, I’m not trying to hurt you. Take it back James, I am NOT a Slytherin,” he repeated.</p><p>He could feel himself slipping; the fear and self-loathing was returning thick and fast. Soon it would be summer and there would be no comfort or distraction from the torture that awaited him. It was fight or flight, and he did not want to hurt his friends any more than he already had. He began to back out of the room, wand still raised in defence. Just as he turned his back to flee he heard “Peter, no!” and everything went black.</p><p>When he came too James was hovering above him, a concerned look on his face.</p><p>“Mate” he was saying, “I think you should go see Madam Pomfrey.”</p><p>Sirius was confused until he felt the trickle of blood running down his neck. James helped him to his feet and they left for the hospital wing together.</p><p>“Thank you” Sirius said when they reached the door “I got it from here.” Not a word had been spoken between them.</p><p>“No problem” James replied before he turned to leave.</p><p>“I’m sorry, James” Sirius called after him. “It was never about you, but you’re right, you deserve better friends than someone like me.” He could see James’ features soften, and a look of pity creep across his face. That was the last thing he wanted, so he turned away.</p><p>“Sirius Black what have you done now?”</p><p>Remus stiffened in his bed, fingers poised as he was about to turn the page in his book.</p><p>“It was nothing,” he heard Sirius say, “I just tripped over a bag and landed funny.” </p><p>Without even seeing him he could tell the boy was lying.</p><p>“A likely tale, I can get that cut cleaned up but that’s a lot of blood you’ve lost, you’ll have to stay in so I can keep an eye on you.”</p><p>Sirius knew there was no arguing with her. </p><p>The wing was empty save for one bed and the curtain was drawn around it, everyone else would have gone to class by now. He realized he hadn’t eaten any breakfast, but when he asked for some food the matron shook her head and showed him to the bed next the occupied one. She then left the room briefly and returned moments later with a potion; a sleeping draught he soon realized when his eyes began to close, he hadn’t even had a chance to get into bed properly.</p><p>He was startled awake some time later by the sound of a boy crying out in pain.</p><p>“It’s alright Remus,” he heard Madam Pomfrey say. </p><p>Remus? He thought. My Remus?</p><p>“I don’t understand why they won’t heal, it usually only takes a matter of hours.”</p><p>“Can you think of anything different this time? Any circumstances that might have changed?”</p><p>“Nothing” he heard the boy reply, and then, “when can I go back upstairs?”</p><p>“I’d like you to stay one more night, we’ll see how you are in the morning.”</p><p>“Can you send a message to my friends for me, to James and Peter?”</p><p>“Of course” Madam Pomfrey replied “and Sirius?”</p><p>There was a pause. “No, he won’t even notice I’m gone.”</p><p>Sirius felt a stab of pain, and it had nothing to do with the wound on his head. What had he done? He had to fix this friendship before it was too late, he couldn’t go on letting Remus think that he didn’t care about him. He waited until Madam Pomfrey had left with the messages before he stood up. </p><p>“Remus, is that you?” He asked softly.</p><p>Remus knew there was no point in lying. “Yeah, it’s me” he replied. </p><p>“Can I come in?”</p><p>A long pause and then “OK.”</p><p>Sirius was not prepared for what lay on the other side of the curtain. Remus had a large gash from one side of his face to the other, he was holding his arm at a funny angle and he was as white as a sheet. “What happened to you? I thought you were at home?”</p><p>Remus shook his head. </p><p>Sirius remembered the conversation he had overhead between his friend and Madam Pomfrey moments before. “Remus, does this happen to you every time you go home?”</p><p>Remus shook his head again. “I don’t go home” he confessed. Now Sirius was really confused. “Sit down,” Remus said softly, gesturing to his bed, and so Sirius sat down.</p><p>“I don’t understand, I thought you went home to look after your mum.”</p><p>“My mum isn’t sick… and I don’t go home” he said again.</p><p>Sirius was really glad that Remus was finally talking to him but this wasn’t making any sense. “Then where do you go all the time? Remus I’m really really sorry for ignoring you these past few weeks, but all I wanted was for you to let me in. Why can’t you trust me like I trusted you?”</p><p>Remus was close to tears. “I didn’t mean to push you away Sirius, I just… this is just…”</p><p>Sirius moved closer on the bed. Remus was staring down at his sheets, and only looked up when he felt his friend take his hand. “You don’t have to tell me anything” Sirius said softly “and I’m sorry I tried to force you before. I understand that some things are just too hard to say. If it wasn’t for you I would never have spoken about what goes on at home, but Remus, I really do care about you, I only want to help.”</p><p>Remus said nothing for a long time, and it seemed like it would stay that way until he said “I’m scared.” The words were barely audible.</p><p>“Of what?” Sirius encouraged.</p><p>“Myself.”</p><p> “I don’t understand Remus.”</p><p>“I’m a monster. I might seem like this shy but kind bookworm on the outside but there’s no stopping the monster within.”</p><p>Sirius waited for him to continue.</p><p>“It might only happen once a month but I live in this constant fear that someone will figure it out, and once they do, I’ll have to leave Hogwarts. My family will have to leave our home.”</p><p>At first Sirius still didn’t understand. He thought back to all of the times Remus had left to go ‘Home’ and then it clicked. Once a month, every month, never on the same date, but they all had one thing in common: the full moon. He had figured it out; Remus was a werewolf.</p><p>Remus watched as the comprehension showed clearly on his friends face, readying himself for it to transform into disgust and then fear, ready for the heartbreak of knowing he would be alone forever. No one in their right mind would want anything to do with a filthy werewolf, let alone be their friend. The look of disgust never came. The expression on Sirius’ face softened and he actually smiled! </p><p>“Why are you smiling?” he asked cautiously.</p><p>“Because I’m happy” Sirius answered simply.</p><p>“I don’t understand. Why aren’t you running for this hills? I just told you I’m a werewolf!”</p><p>“Well technically you didn’t, you just gave me enough information to work it out for myself.”</p><p>“That’s hardly the point Sirius. You do know what a werewolf is don’t you?”</p><p>“Of course I do, and I know that it’s not exactly something you would choose to be. Remus, I understand why you felt like you couldn’t tell me any of this, and I’ll admit it’s a lot more serious than I hoped, but I also know that it doesn’t change who you are. Well, technically it does change you but not on the inside. You’re still the same smart, funny, brave and genuine boy who is like a brother to me, and I don’t care what other people think of you because they’re wrong.”</p><p>Remus smiled despite himself, touched by Sirius’ words.</p><p>“I do wish you would have told me sooner though, I know only too well how hard it is to deal with scary stuff by yourself. You were there for me Remus and I will always be there for you, but you have to let me in. Don’t push me away.”</p><p>“You aren’t frightened? You aren’t disgusted?”</p><p>“No, I’m not. Although I am slightly horrified by what you appear to have done to yourself! Don’t you have any control over it?”</p><p>Remus shook his head, and Sirius sighed.</p><p>“I wish there was something we could do to help make it easier for you.”</p><p>“We?” asked Remus</p><p>“Yes we; your friends. I know James and Pete will think the same as me.”</p><p>Panic crept in again. “You can’t tell them Sirius! This has to stay between you and me. I’ve kept your secret now you have to keep mine!”</p><p>“OK Remus, I won’t tell, but I think you should. When you’re ready.”</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Animagi - 1994</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Living with Remus was both a dream that Sirius hadn’t even dared to dream and a new kind of torture all at once. Since his escape from Hogwarts, Sirius had thought about his old friend a lot, remembering when they first met; when he had confided in him about his family; and when he had discovered that Remus was a werewolf. After that day, the day Remus had finally shared his secret with him, the two had grown even closer than before. His friends had forgiven him for ditching them and they had continued on their mission to rule the school. Sirius remembered their 4th Year at Hogwarts fondly, yet despite all of the fun four teenagers could have he had also been very much aware of the effects his friend’s transformations were having on him.</p><p>Almost 20 years later he could see the same signs again now. Remus may deny it but he was not coping with his transformations. Sirius wanted to help as he had done before, to join him as Padfoot, but whenever he suggested it Remus either ignored him or outright refused. It was a tense atmosphere at the best of times, they both had so many pent up emotions that neither were willing to discuss yet. It was Sirius reflected, actually all very familiar, but although Remus had finally been persuaded to be accompanied in the past, it had taken more than just Sirius to persuade him. This time Sirius was alone and it was all down to him.</p><p>“Why won’t you let me help you?” he asked again one evening, frustrated.</p><p>“Because I don’t need your help!” Remus had shot back.</p><p>Remus turned away from him. Sirius had always had this ability to read him, to know exactly what he was thinking. It wasn’t legilamancy, but whatever it was he couldn’t let him in now. There was just too much he had fought too hard to forget, feelings that he had thought were buried deep down, but that he knew were returning thick and fast. As a man he was able to control his emotions, put on a poker face and hope that Sirius wouldn’t notice, but as a wolf there was no telling what he would do. The wolf had already really hurt him a few moons before and he was not about to let that happen again.</p><p>He felt like he was reliving his past; they had had this very same argument when they were at school and it frustrated him to be doing it again now. He was not going to give in, not this time. The wolf had gotten on just fine without a companion for almost 13 years now, and he certainly didn’t need one now. <br/>When the full moon came around Remus locked both front and back doors behind him and quickly made his way up the path to the trees. Sirius was locked inside but at least he would be safe. As he slowed down he closed his eyes and imagined that his friends were there beside him; the dog, the stag and the rat. He missed them all so much. James was gone, Peter as good as dead to him too, and Sirius… Sirius was all that he had left in the whole world, he was far too precious to lose, not now that he had finally got him back.</p><p> </p><p>1974</p><p>“Absolutely not Sirius, it’s far too dangerous.”</p><p>“You’re outnumbered Lupin, 3 against 1. We’re all well aware of the risk and we still want to do it.”</p><p>“But do you know what I could do to you? There’s a reason I’m locked up in the Shrieking Shak!”</p><p>“We won’t be us Remus. Once we learn to become animagi you’ll just think we’re harmless animals. Look I overheard Dumbledore and McGonagall, she’s been keeping an eye on you as a cat this whole time and she’s never been harmed.”</p><p>“That is totally different, the wolf will be used to the cat’s scent, and McGonagall is an experienced witch, you guys are just… you guys.”</p><p>“That’s unfair Remus. James, help me out here” he pleaded.</p><p>It was actually Peter who spoke up. </p><p>“Maybe we should just wait until we’ve actually learned the spell?”</p><p>“If you learn it” Remus quipped “You’re talking about very advanced magic.”</p><p>“We will learn it” Sirius said confidently “and while we do you have plenty of time to think about it. When you see we are more than capable of this ‘advanced magic’ you’ll change your mind.”</p><p>Remus looked at his friends’ eager faces doubtfully.</p><p>“We just want to help” said Sirius, as he sat down beside him on his bed. “We care about you.” He had wanted to say ‘I care about you’ but he was afraid of the implications. He nudged his friend gently to get him to look up. Eventually Remus did. </p><p>“I know Sirius, I care about you guys too, I just… I don’t want to hurt you.”</p><p>1975</p><p>“Where are we going?”</p><p>“You’ll see” Sirius grinned.</p><p>Remus stopped walking.</p><p>“Sirius Black I demand to know what you’re up to. I know that look all too well.”</p><p>“It’s a surprise” was all the boy said.</p><p>Remus huffed, he didn’t like surprises. </p><p>He was led through the castle and out of one of the rarely used back entrances. There was a pathway hidden from view that led into the forest. Not many students knew of it but the boys had discovered it while marauding the castle one night, with the aid of the cloak of course. The two boys soon arrived at a clearing where Sirius promptly stopped.</p><p>“Here we are!” he sang out.</p><p>Remus looked around him; there was nothing there.</p><p>“Sirius what…?”</p><p>“You can come out now guys!” Sirius cut him off. </p><p>Remus’ eyes widened and his jaw fell open in surprise as he watched a great stag emerge from the trees. Once the beast was standing before him he realised the beast was not alone, perched on his head was a scruffy looking, slightly oversized rat. After staring at the two for quite some time, trying to comprehend that they were actually his two friends he turned back to Sirius, only to find that he too was gone and in his place was a large black dog sitting on its hind legs, panting happily. It barked loudly.</p><p>“You did it” Remus whispered, in awe as he looked at the three animals before him. “You guys actually did it!”</p><p>The dog barked again and wagged its tail, before padding softly over to the boy and nuzzling into his hand. Remus let out a laugh and scratched his friend’s ears.</p><p>“You like that, don’t you Sirius?” He asked, amused. The dog barked for a third time before the werewolf turned to his other friends.</p><p>“James, you look magnificent, nice prongs” he grinned. “And Pete, nice er… tail,” he finished, unsure how to compliment a rat. The rat squeaked in reply anyway. “I can’t believe you actually did it, you became animagi. For me!” </p><p>He was overwhelmed. Of course he still had many doubts about them actually joining him on the full moon, but his friends had proven that they would do anything for him, and while he still had his reservations that was something he was never going forget.</p><p>“So when’s the next full moon?” Sirius asked excitedly as they made their way back up to the castle.</p><p>“Guys I haven’t said you can come yet.”</p><p>Sirius stopped in his tracks. “Wait what? But that was the whole point!”</p><p>“I know it was, Sirius, and I appreciate that, but the wolf doesn’t know your scent yet.”</p><p>Sirius thought this over, he really wanted to do this, for Remus. He grinned when he realised what they would have to do. “Well then we’ll just have to get you used to it, won’t we?” </p><p>The four boys made their way back up to the castle, ready to sneak back in the hidden entrance and back up to their dorm. The term would be ending soon, but with his friends’ new abilities Remus could tell it was going to be a rather interesting end to the year.</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs - 1975</h2></a>
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    <p>It was a new school year. Sirius, James, Remus and Peter had just begun their 5th year at Hogwarts. The first full moon was fast approaching and although Remus had continued to try and talk his friends out of joining him it was to no avail. To ensure that the wolf would be used to their scents the boys had spent as much time as possible in animal form. Sirius had grown particularly fond of being a dog and would often opt to lounge around the dorm room as such, rather than in human form.</p><p>It was a warm September evening. The windows were thrown wide open and Sirius panted happily as he stretched out across Remus’ bed, tail wagging as a hand reached down to scratch him behind the ears. James had spent the last half an hour making terrible canine related jokes but Sirius didn’t mind. The truth was Sirius had finally had the smallest amount of freedom during his summer holidays, and it was all thanks to his animal form. James could taunt him all he wanted; Sirius loved being a dog. </p><p>Remus on the other hand was growing tired of the jokes, they weren’t the least bit witty and they kept distracting him from his book. He had asked James politely to stop, quite a few times in fact, but now he was running out of patience.</p><p>“Will you just stop?” He snapped suddenly, slamming his book down and causing Sirius to jump.</p><p>James was taken aback too. “I’m sorry Remus,” he said.</p><p>Remus knew he should have just let it drop there, his friend had apologised, but he was always so highly strung before the full moon. “You should be” he snapped before he could stop himself. “You don’t see anyone making fun of your stupid prongs!”</p><p>James laughed in surprise. “My what?” he asked.</p><p>“You know, the stupid sticks protruding from the side of your head” Remus replied, lifting his hands up to imitate James’ antlers. </p><p>James laughed again. “Prongs” he repeated. “You know I quite like that, maybe I’ll use it as my new nickname” he teased.</p><p>Remus groaned, that was not what he had intended, but James appeared to be seriously considering it, and Sirius was barking in approval.</p><p>“Ooh, Ooh! We should all have nicknames!” James exclaimed excitedly in his ‘I’ve just had the best idea’ voice, jumping up on his bed dramatically. “Petey you can be… Whiskers, no…. Squeaky, wait no… Wormtail!” he proclaimed grandly. </p><p>Peter thought this over, as always he was just happy to be included so he happily agreed.</p><p>Sirius wanted to go next to get a new nickname. He jumped off the bed and started parading up and down the room, proudly flaunting his coat, his sharp claws and teeth, and his grand tail. Quite a few different names were suggested for him but he didn’t particularly like any of them. He realised that Remus had kept quiet the whole time and it was just the other two giving all the suggestions. He bounded on to the bed and started to lick at his face to get his attention.</p><p>“Ew stop it Sirius! You don’t want to be called Slobbers or something equally as ridiculous do you?”</p><p>The dog shook his head and flopped onto its back, prodding Remus continuously with his soft paws. The sandy haired boy started to push him away but then he suddenly exclaimed “Padfoot!” </p><p>Sirius loved it. He barked in approval. It was perfect.</p><p>Later that night, once Padfoot had returned to his human form and the boys had all gone to bed Sirius lay awake. He was unable to sleep, and as he had always done when insomnia stuck he crept quietly from his own bed to Remus’. Thankfully his friend was still awake too. Neither of them spoke for a while, they just lay side by side in the darkness, soaking in the comfort that the other provided. Eventually Sirius quietly spoke.</p><p>“We never gave you a nickname” he whispered.</p><p>“I don’t think the wolf would appreciate a nickname” Remus replied sadly. </p><p>“All the more reason to give you one then.”</p><p>“I don’t want to be reminded of him every day.”</p><p>“Well then we won’t make it about him.”</p><p>“But you guys ….”</p><p>“What’s the one thing the wolf hates the most?” Sirius asked, as he turned to look at him.</p><p>“The moon” Remus answered instantly.</p><p>“That makes sense.” Sirius looked thoughtful for a moment, then he grinned. “In that case I shall call you…” he paused for dramatic effect. “Moonshine!”</p><p>Remus almost choked. “No you bloody well will not!”</p><p>“Aw come on Remus, it suits you” he said, elbowing him playfully in the ribs, but Remus continued to frown.</p><p>“OK fine” Sirius relented “How about just Moony then?” </p><p>Remus was about to protest again when something stopped him. </p><p>“Moony” he repeated back, testing how it sounded coming from his own lips.</p><p>“You like it?” Sirius asked eagerly.</p><p>He frowned. “Yeah, you know what I kinda do.”</p><p>Sirius grinned. “Aright Moony it is then.”</p><p> </p><p>“Have I mentioned that I really don’t think you should do this?”</p><p>“Only a thousand times Moony and nothing you say will change our minds?” Sirius said firmly.</p><p>It was early morning and the four Gryffindors were gathered at the Whomping Willow. Later that evening Professor McGonagall would escort Remus through the tunnel to the Shak.<br/>“How do we get in?” asked James.</p><p>Remus raised his wand and levitated a large rock onto the small stump at the base of the tree, just as McGonagall had done once a month since his first full moon at Hogwarts. <br/>Peter had gone white.</p><p>“You OK Wormtail?” James asked.</p><p>Peter nodded, but it was clear he was having doubts. “Even if we stop the tree, and get inside and, and Moony doesn’t harm us, won’t McGonagall see us when she comes back to check up on him?”</p><p>Sirius smiled. “Why you’re quite right Wormy, unless we have a lookout of course. Can you think of anyone small enough and unnoticeable enough who could be our lookout?”<br/>It took a moment for Peter to realise what was being suggested, and then all remaining colour drained from his face.</p><p>The rest of the afternoon was spent creating their plan of action. It was decided that Padfoot would enter the Shak first, the wolves howl being his signal. Once it was deemed safe the dog would give three loud and clear barks and James, who would be waiting in the tunnel in human form as the stag was too big, would enter and transform before joining them. Wormtail would wait at the entrance to fulfil his duties as lookout. This was the ideal situation of course, they were well aware that it might not go as smoothly, but still, they had to start somewhere and this was as good a plan as any.</p><p>Once Remus had ‘left to go home’ all the remaining three friends could do was wait. Just before dark they used the cloak to sneak out, and rather than attempt to cover all three boys, which was not as easy as it had once been, Peter transformed into the rat and James carried him in his pocket. When they arrived at the tree it was already immobile, a large rock already positioned on top of the stump. They realised McGonagall could still be inside, so they sent Wormtail in to check it out. He came back ten minutes later and gave the all clear. Remus had still been a boy and their teacher nowhere to be seen.</p><p>“You nervous?” James asked Sirius from underneath the cloak.</p><p>“Course not, this is exiting!” Sirius lied.</p><p>While they waited the night grew darker and darker and they knew it would happen at any moment now. They practically buzzed with nerves and excitement, and mere moments later a blood curdling howl was heard through the tunnel.</p><p>“Alright Pads, you’re up!”</p><p>Sirius transformed into Padfoot and approached the tunnel. He was determined not to let his nerves show. The tunnel was longer than he expected but he kept on going until he eventually came to a hatch that he assumed led to the basement of the Shak. He was correct, and he continued on up the stairs until he could hear heavy panting coming from the room at the top. Slowly he made his way to the door and pushed it open with his paw.</p><p>He was not prepared for the sight that met him inside the room. He had expected the wolf to be this huge and fearsome beast, but Remus was the complete opposite; he was skinny and gaunt and almost pitiful. It stabbed at his heart to see Remus like this. Slowly he entered the room and the wolf sniffed and turned towards him, instantly bearing his sharp fangs in a snarl. Padfoot backed off as the wolf came towards him, being careful not to make any sudden movements as he lowered himself to the ground. He maintained eye contact as much as possible before rolling over onto his back, whimpering quietly as he bared his soft flesh in a sign of submission.</p><p>The wolf crept ever closer, until he was directly on top of Sirius. His teeth were still bared as he sniffed the newcomer from head to toe. Suddenly he let out an ear piercing howl and with a mighty crash sent Padfoot flying across the room. Sirius remained still, trying to show his friend that he meant no harm, and that he wasn’t going to fight back. The wolf still seemed unconvinced even though there was something familiar about this animal. He had never had any intruders before, and this was his territory. He crossed the room again and brought his face dangerously close to the dog’s, his growl growing louder and louder as he sensed the other animals fear. </p><p>When the wolf suddenly barked Sirius jumped in fright. It wasn’t working, the wolf wasn’t backing down and Sirius realised he was in real danger. He glanced at the door, he would have to make a run for it. Steeling himself he looked up at his friend one last time. I am so sorry he thought to himself, and then he pushed the wolf with all of his strength and made for the door. He had just reached the landing when he felt a sharp stab of pain in his leg; the wolf had caught a hold of him with his teeth. He lost his balance and crashed to the floor, the wolf moved quickly to pin him down. </p><p>Come on Remus, Sirius thought as he had no choice but to look into those terrifying golden eyes. It’s me, Padfoot! And then just like that the wolf let him go, sat back on its haunches and flattened its ears. Padfoot tried to get up but his leg gave way. He had done it! He had gotten through to Remus, but now he was tired and his leg hurt like hell, and he knew if he introduced Prongs and Wormtail now it would not end well. Mustering all the energy he had left he managed to limp away, and as he entered the tunnel he heard the cry of the wolf once more. He feared it would chase after him, but soon he caught up with James and they both heard the howl that still came from some distance away. It appeared that Moony was staying put for now. </p><p>James and Peter helped Sirius back to their dorm. The wound on his leg wasn’t as bad as he had thought and as his friends helped heal it he described everything that had happened. </p><p>“That’s amazing!” exclaimed James.</p><p>“Amazing? It was bloody terrifying!”</p><p>“But you did it Pads, you got through to him! Next month will be even easier, you’ll see.”</p><p>Sirius really hoped so. The wolf may have backed off once it was satisfied that Padfoot meant no harm, but it hadn’t been happy with the intrusion.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Mornings - 1976</h2></a>
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    <p>"Will you sit still Pads?"</p><p>"I can't help it, I'm excited for tonight!" said Sirius.</p><p>"I'm not" came a small voice from behind the withdrawn curtains of one of the beds.</p><p>"Moony, you're awake!" Sirius smiled as he crossed the room, opening the curtains before sitting down on the bed beside his friend. "How are you feeling?" he asked him.</p><p>"My entire body is preparing itself to mutate in a couple of hours; how do you think I'm feeling?" he replied sarcastically.</p><p>Sirius watched with concern as his friend turned away from him. He reached out to touch him gently on the shoulder and said kindly "It's ok you know, we're all here for you, we'll look after you" </p><p>"I know that Pads" Remus replied quietly as he turned back around. "I haven't had any serious injuries in months, it's just… I hate that you guys all have these amazing adventures but when I wake up in the morning I don't remember any of them."</p><p>Sirius went to respond but he was cut off.</p><p>"And I know what you're going to say and I appreciate that you tell me everything that happens, but it's not the same."</p><p>Sirius had had no idea Remus felt that way about his full moon experiences now that his friends all joined him. He knew that the last thing Remus would remember would be lying on the bed watching the sun set and the moon come up. Remus had confided in him that in those moments he was afraid, paralyzed by the thought of what was about to happen before it had even begun. His body would then begin to morph as the transformation took hold and it was so incredibly painful... and then the pain would be gone. That was all Sirius knew.</p><p>In the past Remus would wake alone in the morning, and as the numbness subsided he would be left to deal with the consequences of his actions alone until McGonnagal showed up. He was capable of the most basic healing spells himself now, but it had been the loneliness that had always got to him more, not his injuries. He had felt ostracized, and it only ever served to remind him of what he was: a monster.</p><p>Now however, everything had changed. When he awoke he was no longer alone in the shak. In fact more often than naught he wasn't even in the shak at all, he would find himself in the forest with his friends all curled protectively around him, still in their animal forms. If he was in the shak it would only be Padfoot that remained with him because Prongs was too big to fit through the tunnel. He secretly preferred the latter; before he had even opened his eyes he would feel the soft fur against his cheek and it comforted him more than he could say. His body would still be screaming at him in pain, but it was somehow more bearable.</p><p>Sirius had always been that one person who could comfort him, could make the aches and pains go away, but while that was still the case to some extent there was now an altogether different pain that being alone with Sirius caused. Remus knew he would never ever be with him in the way that he so desperately wanted to, even if the boy was available now, and while the pains from his transformation seemed more bearable in his presence, he now had to deal with the completely different pain of being hopelessly in love with someone who would never love him back.</p><p>It was in these moments, when he was the most vulnerable and stripped down to his most basic senses that he was the most attune to his deepest of feelings. It was obvious that his feelings towards Sirius had grown in intensity over the last year. Whenever he was close by his body felt alive and when he wasn't he found himself thinking about him constantly. It was, in all honesty, becoming an obsession, and no matter how hard he tried to fight it it just wouldn't go away. He was grateful to have someone like Sirius in his life, even if it was just as a friend, but there was no hiding from the supressed pain that would resurface at odd of moments, stopping him in his tracks and taking his breath away. He wished he could confess how he felt about him, but he knew any feelings Sirius had for him were purely platonic.</p><p>"You've never mentioned that before Moony, are you sure there isn't something else?"</p><p>Sirius' question broke Remus from his thoughts. He looked at him, with his perfect hair and perfect eyes that were now looking at him filled with concern. Goddammit why did he have to look at him like that?</p><p>"It's just that" he forced himself to say.</p><p>For the rest of the afternoon all three of Remus' friends tried their best to cheer him up, and later that night all three of his friends had an excellent time playing in the forest with the wolf. When he awoke only one of his friends remained. He was back in the shak and Padfoot was curled up on the floor beside him. He was comfortable and reluctant to move, but he got up to cross the room, find his wand to repair his clothes and put them on before Sirius awoke. The moon had only just gone down and a quick tempus charm told him that he still had a couple of hours before McGonagall would arrive. The numbness was starting to subside as he sat back down and started to stroke the dog affectionately before performing his routine healing spells.</p><p>"I'm so glad you're here Sirius" he whispered as he lay back down.</p><p>He'd only closed his eyes what felt like a few moments when he was shaken awake again. He opened his bleary eyes to find he was no longer nestled against Padfoot but Sirius himself. "McGonagall's coming" he was saying.</p><p>Remus stood up and stretched.</p><p>"See you later then" he said with a yawn and a sleepy smile.</p><p>Sirius morphed back into the dog and made his way to the door, where Remus noticed Wormtail was waiting. Padfoot would wait with the rat in one of the other rooms until the coast was clear, before heading back to the castle to join the rest of their friends for breakfast.</p><p>As he waited he thought about the night he'd just had. It had taken a while for the wolf to give in again and the sound of snarling had filled the shak while Padfoot had tried his best to show his friend that he meant no harm. Eventually the snarling had stopped, but then the wolf had pounced, pinning Sirius to the ground like he had done that very first night. He was afraid, the wolf hadn't behaved like this all year and he knew something must be wrong. He dared not move, he’d tried to control his breathing, and when the wolf looked him directly in the eye he looked back, and that was when he saw it. For a few brief moments he saw a glimmer of Remus himself.</p><p>The way the wolf looked at him was unsettling, there was so much hunger there and it frightened him. As he always did he followed the wolves lead, and it was fairly obvious that it was not in the mood for a run through the forest. Padfoot lay still while it sniffed at him, and then to his surprise the wolf began to lick and nibble at him. It didn't seem like a malicious act either, it was almost affectionate, as if it was actually playing with him. He dared not play back, for fear he had read it wrong, but this was most certainly a new development. Was Remus learning to control it? He really hoped so, this was strange and definitely unexpected, but it was actually nice. Remus and he were just friends, and while they cuddled in bed when they couldn’t sleep that was as far as it went. He didn’t really know why being with the wolf like this felt right but since they would never do anything like this while they were in human form he decided to just make the most of it while the boy would have no memory of it in the morning.</p><p>After the wolf had finally let Padfoot go it kept close to him the whole night. It followed him to the door when the dog had gone to signal to Wormtail that they wouldn't be coming out, and if it noticed the interaction with the rat then it didn’t seem to mind. The whole night had been something different and new, and exciting! But what did it all mean? Sirius had found himself thinking about his friend a lot more than usual lately, almost too much if he was honest, but he didn't know why. Ever since he had become an animagi it seemed that there was this new connection between them, maybe it was a canine thing. They had always been close but this was something else. He wanted to talk to him about it but he knew Remus would have no memory of the night they'd just shared, and he didn't want to confuse or embarrass him, so he decided to let it go until he got his head around it all himself.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Back Together - 1994</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sirius was mad at Remus. How dare he lock him in that house! He could pretend it was for his own safety all he wanted but they both knew that Padfoot could handle the Wolf. Sirius knew without a doubt that there had to be something else going on. He gave Remus plenty of space once the full moon had passed, gave him some time to recover, but after a week had passed and the man was still barely talking to him he knew that he had to be right, and that there was indeed something Remus wasn’t telling him.</p><p>Things in the cottage were pretty tense, but there were odd moments when the pair would seem to simply forget that they were apparently supposed to be acting like angsty teenagers. In those rare moments it would seem that the two were getting on just fine. On one occasion they had even managed to get themselves into a fit of laughter over some incident that had happened when they were at school, but the moment had passed as quickly as it had begun and the only way to describe the atmosphere that followed was, well, awkward.</p><p>That’s what it was like living with Remus after all these years; awkward. Of course the real reason for this was obvious to the both of them, it felt exactly the same as it had all those years before when they had first developed feelings for each other, when they had awoken together alone in the Shak and had to deal with the repercussions of whatever had transpired the night before. It had been awkward whenever Sirius had caught Remus staring at him, when he would blush before turning away until finally the penny dropped and Sirius finally realised that any feelings he had developed for his friend might not go unreciprocated after all, if either of them ever actually got the guts to do anything about it.</p><p>Present time not included, that was when it had been the most awkward between them; when neither of them had wanted to admit what they felt for the other. It felt exactly the same now. They were both too afraid to admit that the connection between them had returned, if it had ever really gone away in the first place, but instead of actually talking about it like civilized adults Remus had decided to shut Sirius out again, and the ex-convict really had very little patience for it.</p><p>He needed to get away, have a break from Remus and the tension of the cottage, so when a letter arrived from his newly found Godson, describing how his scar was hurting again he made a rash decision.</p><p>“I’m going north” was all he said to Remus later that day, as he packed himself some provisions into a rucksack for his journey.</p><p>“No you bloody well are not!” Remus said, panicking slightly. “I promised Dumbledore I’d keep you safe so you’re staying right here.”</p><p>“I have to Remus, Harry’s in trouble” he explained as he passed over the letter.</p><p>Remus read over the words in concentration. “Well I have to admit that doesn’t sound good, but he’ll be back at Hogwarts soon, and it’s far too dangerous for you to be anywhere near there. Harry will be safe with Dumbledore.”</p><p>“That’s not good enough!” Sirius snapped, slamming his fist down onto the table in his frustration. “I won’t fail him again.”</p><p>Remus sighed and moved around the table to stand beside him.</p><p>“Harry knows we are here for him Sirius, but putting yourself at risk is not going to do him or anyone else any good.”</p><p>Sirius stayed silent, avoiding eye contact. He knew Remus was right.</p><p>“Look, I know this isn’t easy for you” Remus continued gently, placing a hand lightly on Sirius’ shoulder, “It’s hard for me too, but running away isn’t the answer.”</p><p>Without realising it he had said the wrong thing, and Sirius snapped. “Running away? That’s rich coming from you Remus, you’re the one who’s been running away, and ignoring me, pretending that everything is fine when we both know it’s not!”</p><p>Remus had the decency to look embarrassed.</p><p>“You’re right, I have been distant” he admitted quietly, but he still struggled to say anything more, the words sticking in his mouth.</p><p>“If you really want me to stay then talk to me Remus, don’t shut me out again. What have you got to lose?”</p><p>Remus wanted to answer ‘everything’ but it suddenly dawned on him that the only thing he was actually scared of losing was Sirius himself, and in his fear of pushing him away he had done just that! Again!</p><p>“Please stay” he said quietly. “You need to be here. I need you to be here.”</p><p>He could feel Sirius watching him as he waited for a response, but he refused to meet his eyes, or say anything more. Up until now neither of them had dared talk about how they felt about each other because the thought of letting it all back in was frankly terrifying, but maybe now was the time. If Remus confessed that he still loved him would that make him stay, or would it scare him off? He guessed there was only one way to find out.</p><p>“Sirius… you know why I’ve been acting the way I have, don’t you?”</p><p>Sirius shrugged, feigning nonchalance. “I don’t know” he said “You’re not so easy to read anymore.”</p><p>Remus couldn’t stop himself from laughing slightly at that a little as he watched his friend carefully. “Is that so” he said, and then with a shrug added “We could just give it a try.”</p><p>He refused to meet Sirius’ eyes again, afraid of what he might find there, even though he could feel them boring into him once more, this time causing the very hairs on his neck to bristle. When there was no response he feared he had blown it, had said the wrong thing, but then all of a sudden Sirius stepped towards him, lifted his head gently with his forefinger and thumb and was staring straight into his eyes with cloudy grey ones, studying him, trying to determine how serious he was. </p><p>“You have no idea how much I want that” Sirius said eventually, his voice coming out hoarse.</p><p>Remus was surprised by the honesty and forced himself to swallow as his throat had now gone dry too.</p><p>“I’m fairly certain I do” he whispered.</p><p>“You do?” </p><p>“I do, if you want me as much as I want you.”</p><p>Now it was Sirius’ turn to be surprised, Remus wasn’t known for saying things like that, not even when they had lived together during the war. It took him a while to respond, for the words to sink in, but when they did Sirius couldn’t have stopped himself even if he had wanted to. Within half a second his lips were on Remus’ in a crushing, bruising kiss. Remus froze in shock at first, but once his mind caught up with his body he gave himself up to the moment, and to the man that he loved so dearly.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Wolfstar - 1976</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the summer Sirius had missed Remus like crazy. He had barely been able to stop thinking about him, and the way the Wolf had been with him in the last few months of term. He thought, or at least he hoped, he knew what was going on. He thought about their whole relationship: how there had been an instant connection between them; how he had been able to confide in Remus about his parents, and how hurt he had been when Remus would not confide in him. After he had found out the truth about his friend’s condition their bond had only strengthened, and Sirius had realised that he would do anything to protect Remus. That was why he had gotten the idea of becoming animagi; so that he and their friends could do just that.</p><p>Sirius loved being Padfoot. It gave him the freedom he had always craved and it was wonderful, but it was more than the freedom; he loved being Padfoot because when the Dog was with the Wolf he somehow just felt complete. He’d thought of Remus as this part of him that was missing before, but he’d never really understood just what that meant. That was until the night that the Wolf had made him his mate. Although a massive revelation to himself it was also very confusing to think about, because while the Wolf and the Dog knew that they belonged together, Remus did not, or so he thought.</p><p>Remus had no memory of what transpired during the full moon, he had no memory of marking Padfoot and making him his, and he had no idea how much Sirius wanted to experience it all with Remus himself. Sirius didn’t know what to do, it wasn’t like he could just walk up to his friend and ask ‘will you sleep with me? We’ve done it before, you just don’t remember.’ That would not go down well, but at the same time, by the time September rolled around Sirius wanted, no, he needed just that, he needed to be with Remus.</p><p>As he made his way to platform 9 ¾, Regulus trailing behind, he couldn’t settle his nerves. He hadn’t been allowed to leave Grimmauld Place again, save for one visit to Diagon Alley to buy his school things for the new term. He had met James and Pete there, but it had been the day after the full moon and the one person he really wanted to see hadn’t been able to come. His stomach tied itself in knots when he finally spotted him, heaving his heavy trunk onto the train.</p><p>‘Here, let me help you with that.’</p><p>Remus looked up to find his knight in shining armour, or knight in leather jacket and tight jeans. Damn he looked sexy, and his hair had grown even longer over the summer.</p><p>‘Sirius, hi!’ He exclaimed joyfully, and Sirius returned his grin.</p><p>Once the boys had safely stored their luggage in an empty compartment they made their way back to the platform to look for James and Pete. Just as they got to the door someone knocked into them as they hurriedly jumped off the train without any sort of apology. Sirius lost his balance and fell into Remus, trapping him in between the window and his own body. He knew he should move off of him but somehow he just couldn’t bring himself to do it, and for a moment it seemed that the two were very much alone on the train, until Remus coughed.</p><p>‘Um, Sirius?’ he eventually asked, looking up to find Sirius watching him, a strange yet familiar glint in his eyes, and he felt himself blush.</p><p>Sirius coughed too. ‘Right, sorry Remus’ and he pushed himself off of his friend and smoothed down his clothes for good measure.</p><p>They found James with his parents, still exchanging farewells and went over to say hello. James grinned when he saw them. The boys lingered just long enough to greet Mr &amp; Mrs Potter before making their way back to the train, James, and Peter who had now joined them in tow. By the time they were in their compartment Sirius noticed that James was still grinning,</p><p>‘OK, what is up with you?’ he asked curiously.</p><p>‘Lily’ was all that James said.</p><p>Remus rolled his eyes before digging into his bag for his book.</p><p>‘What about her?’ Sirius asked as he took the seat next to Remus, James and Peter sitting opposite.</p><p>‘After you left Diagon Alley last week I found my parents in Flourish &amp; Blotts, talking to Lily’s parents. They were saying how they would love to see a magical house, seeing as they’re muggles, so Father invited them all over!’</p><p>‘And they came?’</p><p>‘Yup! Lily’s sister wasn’t very nice though, and she had a huge argument with her at the dinner table. I got the feeling that happens a lot. She was in a huff because she didn’t want to come all the way to London to bring Lily here. Anyways, they decided to leave far sooner than they had intended since Petunia was making a scene, but then Mother said that Lily could stay with us if she wanted, and that we would bring her to Kings Cross to save them the journey.’</p><p>‘And she stayed?’ Sirius asked, excitedly.</p><p>‘Yup, she sure did.’ James grinned.</p><p>‘And…?’</p><p>‘Ah she still managed to resist my charm, but she’s warming up to me, I can feel it.’</p><p>As James gave Sirius all the details of his week with Lily, Remus pretended to read his book, although he wasn’t really listening to James either. Instead he let his mind wander back to moments before, when he had been accidentally trapped beneath Sirius’ body. Something was different about him, had been different actually for a while now, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Over the summer Remus had thought about him in the same way he had done since the end of third year, when he had gotten jealous of all Sirius’ girlfriends. He had fantasised about the day they would finally be together even though he knew Sirius would never know how he felt, or feel the same way in return. </p><p>Yet in the last couple of months of their 5th year at Hogwarts something had definitely changed. It seemed almost as if Sirius was trying to get closer to him, both physically and emotionally. He only dared to hope what this could mean. He looked at him now, engrossed in conversation with James; his Sirius. They had been friends for 5 years, but it seemed as though they’d known each other forever. He wished he could just tell him everything, but their friendship was too precious to compromise. He was glad to be going back to school with his friends, but sharing a dorm with Sirius was getting harder and harder, literally. </p><p> </p><p>The first couple of weeks of the Marauders’ 6th year at Hogwarts seemed to fly in. The classes were intense, and at the weekends the Gryffindor common room turned into a party zone. It was fun, but a little crazy, and Sirius hadn’t had a single moment alone with Remus. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing to be honest. On the one hand being alone with him would give Sirius the opportunity to try and coax out the part of Remus that the Wolf already knew, but there were dangers to that, namely, losing his friend completely.</p><p>They finally got a quiet moment the night before the first full moon of the term. Remus was feeling too tired to join in with the Saturday night frivolities so the four friends decided to stay in their dorm. They were making their way through Remus’ chocolate supply when there was a knock at the door. To everyone’s surprise it was Lily, asking if James was coming down to the party. James looked between her and his friends guiltily, not sure if he should go, but they encouraged him to do so and he left with his crush. Peter fell asleep shortly after having consumed far more than his fair share of the treats.</p><p>Remus was stretched out on his bed, and after clearing away the empty packets and wrappers Sirius climbed on to join him. They sat in comfortable silence for a while, just as they had always done. Sometimes there was just no need for words. Both of the boys were thinking about the upcoming full moon. Sirius was nervously wondering if the wolf would act in the same way after so many months apart, and Remus was wondering, well hoping, that he would wake up with Padfoot curled up beside him in the Shak.</p><p>‘Pads?’ he said, breaking the silence.</p><p>Sirius hummed in response.</p><p>‘Could you…er…’ </p><p>‘What is it?’ Sirius asked, concerned.</p><p>Remus looked into those deep dark eyes. ‘Nothing’ he sighed, ‘never mind’ and he glanced away nervously.</p><p>Sirius watched him carefully but didn’t press him any further.</p><p>‘Could you transform into Padfoot for me?’ He asked suddenly, voice barely a whisper.</p><p>Sirius grinned and sighed in relief, for a brief moment he thought Remus was going to ask him not to come tomorrow! Gladly he turned into the dog and snuggled up close to the warm body of the boy beside him. Remus smiled and instantly began to stroke the soft fur, right behind the ears the way he knew Sirius liked it. Neither knew who fell asleep first, but when James crept into the room several hours later he found his best friend’s bed empty, and Remus sleeping peacefully, body curled around the soft black dog.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Wolfstar Pt2 -1976</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Remus awoke the following morning he didn’t know what to make of the dream he’d just had. Sure he had dreamt about Sirius in that way before, many times before, but never as Padfoot, and most certainly not with himself as the wolf! The thing was it hadn’t really felt like a dream, more like a memory. He tried to think rationally and decided it must have been because he had fallen asleep with Sirius still in his bed in his animal form. With the full moon less than 24 hours away the wolf must have sensed the dog’s presence; that must have been it. Just because Remus was in love with Sirius didn’t mean that the wolf would want the dog, did it? </p><p>Remus shifted slightly, trying not to disturb the still sleeping form of the black dog. He realised the dream had left him in no fit state to be innocently cuddling with a friend, and if said friend woke up it would be pretty embarrassing to try to explain why he was in such a state. He decided he best go for a shower and sort himself out while the rest of the dorm still lay asleep. He disentangled himself gently and made his way to the bathroom.</p><p>It wasn’t a particularly difficult task to get himself off as he thought back to the dream he had just had, and replaced the animals with their human counterparts. Before long he had his head tipped back against the cool tiles as he quietly moaned aloud. Despite having only been in the shower a few minutes, he now felt utterly drained, his impending transformation already starting to sap the energy from him. He dried himself off quickly, put his pyjamas back on and headed back to bed.</p><p>When he reached his four poster not only did he find his friend awake but also back into his human form. The boy was lounging with his hands tucked behind his head as he grinned up at him. He was wearing nothing but his underwear, as he usually did at night, and Remus only hoped he didn’t notice the blush that was creeping up his neck. </p><p>‘Morning Moony’ Sirius greeted, and then his smile widened mischievously. ‘Early morning shower?’</p><p>Remus feigned indifference. ‘You would need one too if you woke up next to a mangy dog!’</p><p>This made Sirius chuckle. ‘Well I am no longer a dog’ he stated matter-of-factly, and when Remus still didn’t move he added ‘so are you coming back to bed or what?’ and winked for good measure.</p><p>Remus’ eyes widened, was Sirius flirting with him? Nah, surely not. Yet something in the way he asked that question seemed far too suggestive for their normal friendly banter. Regardless of Sirius’ intentions, Remus really needed to lie down and so he joined him on his bed and they lay cuddled together for a while. Soon, Remus felt his eyes begin to droop again and the last thing he saw before sleep claimed him once more was Sirius’ face smiling down at him.</p><p>The next time he awoke Remus was alone in the dorm. Once he was dressed he made his way downstairs to the common room and found his three friends getting some last minute homework done. They all asked how he was feeling, although they knew what the answer was going to be as it was now only eight hours or so until the full moon. Remus felt his usual mix of emotions: exhausted, frightened, nervous, and a touch of excitement for the following morning. </p><p>After some lunch the Marauders all played exploding snap together in an attempt to distract Remus from the night ahead, but soon it was time for him to leave. They all said their goodbyes, playing along with the story that he was going home to visit his poorly mother for the sake of the teachers. Eventually the common room emptied as one by one the other students all went to bed, and the remaining friends huddled under the invisibility cloak to make their way through the castle to the Whomping Willow. Wormtail was tucked away in James’ pocket as usual. They had this routine down to a tee and it wasn’t long before the stag, the dog and the rat were all running alongside the wolf through the Forbidden Forest.</p><p>A few hours before dawn the wolf began to tire and started to head back towards the Shak. Padfoot followed him in, both excited and nervous at the same time. He had waited months for this moment. When he reached the room at the top of the stairs he found the wolf pacing the floor. His teeth were bared and his eyes flashed gold when he saw him enter the room. With a hungry howl the wolf pounced and grabbed the dog by the scruff of the neck with his razor sharp teeth, throwing him across the room. Padfoot scarcely breathed as Moony advanced on him, snarling all the while. By the time he stopped he was so close that Padfoot could see the minute speckles of white in the otherwise dark eyes. He liked to think of the speckles as the small part of the wolf that was still Remus, almost undetectable save for at such close proximity. Sirius looked deep into those eyes now, thinking of the boy that was hidden inside, connecting with him as the wolf continued to sniff him hungrily. </p><p>It’s me Remus, he thought, It’s your Pads!</p><p>The wolf suddenly whimpered and then without warning knocked the dog with such force that he went sprawling and landed with a thump, face down on the floor. It reminded him again of that very first night. He could feel the wolf as he towered over him, feel his breath on the back of his neck. Sharp claws dug into his skin as the wolf pinned him down, trapping him. The anticipation was killing him, he knew what he wanted and seconds later he was rewarded with a hardness against his back. The low rumble of the predator above him echoed throughout his entire body, and as the fear ebbed away Sirius realised he had never wanted anything more in his entire life. The wolf and the dog were mates, and they howled together in the patch of moonlight as the wolf made the dog his once more after spending the summer months apart. </p><p>Remus woke with a start and it took him a moment to take in his surroundings and piece together where he was. He was in the Shak, and there was Padfoot curled up beside him, all shaggy fur and rumbling breath. He ran his fingers gently through the soft coat and sighed in both relief and exhaustion. He performed his usual healing spells with ease but his body was unusually weary, even more so than normal. When he caught a glimpse of the large four poster bed he wanted nothing more than to sink into the soft pillows. He shook his friend awake. When Sirius saw that his friend was back to his human form he changed back too. On the bed they lay close together. </p><p>‘You’re very quiet this morning, are you OK?’ Remus asked. The silence had become too much and he began to panic as a sudden realisation popped into his head. ‘Oh Gryffindor, I hurt you, didn’t I?’</p><p>Sirius was quick to reassure him. ‘No, no, of course not, you were…’ he faltered as he thought back to hours before. ‘You were fine’ he finished lamely. ‘We had fun.’</p><p>‘Oh, OK. If you say so.’ He didn’t sound convinced.</p><p>‘You don’t believe me?’ Sirius challenged.</p><p>Remus chose his words carefully. He needed to know what had gone on between them. Something felt different, and he couldn’t stop the sudden image of the dream he had had the night before. </p><p>‘Well, I’m not sure’ he said honestly. If ever there was a moment to ask what the hell was happening between them this was it. ‘It’s just, the last few moons of last term were a bit strange for me, but then everything went back to normal, or as normal as this gets, over the summer. But now that I’m back here, I don’t know, something just feels different again. I know that doesn’t make any sense, it’s just a feeling’</p><p>Sirius didn’t know what to say. Of course he knew the reason why but something was stopping him from saying it. ‘It’ll just be the change of location, and not having us around over the summer’ he tried. </p><p>‘I don’t know Pads, this feels like more than that. It’s like the wolf is…’ he stopped and shook his head. ‘I don’t know, it doesn’t make any sense, but it’s like the wolf is happy!’</p><p>‘Wow’ Sirius said, before he could stop himself. ‘You must be getting really used to having us around’ he said, still avoiding the truth. </p><p>‘You think that’s it?’</p><p>‘Yeah, of course, what else could it be?’</p><p>He knew he sounded nervous, and hoped that Remus would be too tired to pick up on it, but he had no such luck.</p><p>‘What is it Sirius? What are you not telling me?’</p><p>‘Everything’s fine’ he tried again, starting to panic.</p><p>Remus sighed sadly. ‘I never thought you’d lie to me Sirius. I thought we were friends.’</p><p>The way Remus looked in that moment, so sad, afraid and so vulnerable, tore at Sirius’ heart. He looked heartbroken, but Sirius just didn’t know how to say the words he knew he had to say. He straightened up, sharpening his resolve. He had to do it, he had to tell him, lest he loose him altogether.</p><p>‘Mooney we are friends,’ he said with a sigh, ‘the best of friends, that’s what makes this so hard! But you’re right, I have been keeping something from you and it’s time to tell you the truth. Just…don’t freak out OK?’</p><p>It was now or never. Remus listened intently as his friend described how the wolf had marked him as his mate, clinging on to every single word. Through his nerves Sirius had begun to ramble but he just took it all in. He couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing, the dream had been real!</p><p>‘And I think deep down I’ve always known because I’ve always felt this connection to you, and when I’m with you I feel different somehow. It took me a long time to figure it all out but the wolf, he just knew…’ Sirius trailed off, as though he had just realised that he had been talking frantically for the past five minutes. He watched Remus carefully. He couldn’t tell what he was thinking. ‘Remus?’ he finally asked when the silence became too much. There was still no answer so he instinctively reached for the other boy’s hand. ‘Remus’ he repeated, softer this time, and chocolate eyes looked up to meet grey. ‘I know this is beyond crazy’ he tried again, ‘but the wolf and the dog have a connection, and the truth is I’m not that surprised by it. We have a connection Remus, we always have. Please tell me you’ve felt it too?’</p><p>Remus looked close to tears, whether good or bad remained to be seen. Sirius watched as he swallowed, never taking his eyes off him.</p><p>‘Sirius I…’ This was it. Sirius braced himself for rejection. ‘I have felt it’ the other boy said, his voice thick, ‘for a lot longer than I care to admit.’ </p><p>Silence filled the room again. They had somehow moved closer to each other on the bed though neither remembered moving, their faces now inches apart. Sirius took a deep breath as he looked deep into his friend’s darker than usual eyes and whispered his name again. </p><p>‘I was scared when I realised what this meant’ he whispered, ‘but now I’m only scared that you don’t feel the same way about me as the wolf does about the dog. I know it’s crazy, Merlin I feel like such an idiot because you’re my friend and I could lose you, but I can’t go on pretending that you don’t mean more to me than anyone else, and I don’t just want the wolf, I want you!’ </p><p>Remus fought back the tears that threatened to fall. He had dreamt of this moment for far too long. Sirius wanted him, all of him, wolf and all. He knew that every word that had been spoken was the truth, even if he had no memory of the events. He felt a pang of sadness as he realised Sirius had been keeping all of this in. If only he had known how Remus felt about him from the start, but there was no point on dwelling on that now. He could tell him now.</p><p>‘Oh Pads’ he said as the tears he had been holding back finally fell. ‘I am so sorry you felt like an idiot, and you are most definitely not going to lose me! It’s me who’s the idiot, I haven’t been entirely honest with you either.’</p><p>Sirius could barely speak as he waited for Remus to continue.</p><p>‘Ok so I didn’t know about all the wolf stuff, but I did know that I… I knew that I…’ </p><p>‘Knew what?’ Sirius urged.</p><p>‘That I’ve liked you for some time, since the end of third year, to be exact.’</p><p>That surprised him! Remus had liked him, as in liked-him-liked-him, for all this time?</p><p>‘I just, never thought you’d feel the same way, not in a million years.’</p><p>Sirius pictured a younger Remus, and suddenly remembered the fall out they had had back in third year. At the time he had thought it was just because he had kept pestering him about his secret, but now he realised there must have been more to it than that.</p><p>‘You’re not the idiot Moony, I was the one off chasing girls back then.’ He shook his head. ‘All this time there was something there between us, we both felt it but I just ignored it.’</p><p>‘It’s not too late’ Remus pointed out, breathless, and was it just him or had Sirius somehow gotten even closer to him?</p><p>There was no reply, there was nothing left to say. They both now knew the truth and neither wanted to waste any more time. Sirius closed his eyes and leaned in that final minute distance, placing a gentle kiss on his friend’s lips. Remus sighed and brought his hand up to cradle the back of Sirius’s head, their eyes meeting fleetingly before they finally gave in to their feelings and deepened the kiss, savouring every new sensation. Nothing had ever felt so right in their entire lives.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. The Godfather - 1994</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus awoke tangled in Sirius’ arms. At first he was certain he had been dreaming, but the firm, naked body beneath him told him otherwise. His heart began to race as the previous night replayed in his mind; lips crashing together after they had finally admitted how much they still wanted each other. There had been so much need, so much urgency in their love making, yet everything had felt so familiar despite the 12 long years they had spent apart. Remus had never felt younger. He was only 34 but he had felt so old recently. Being with Sirius like that had made him come alive!</p><p>Sirius stirred beneath him and said ‘Good morning you’ in a sexy, husky sleep filled voice. </p><p>Remus’ cheeks flushed as he replied ‘good morning.’</p><p>‘You sleep ok?’</p><p>‘Yes! Better than I have in a long time’.</p><p>‘Yeah, me too’ Sirius said.</p><p>The men smiled at each other. Neither could quite believe that they were actually here after all this time. Remus leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on his lover’s lips as arms wrapped around him and pulled him closer, Sirius deepening the kiss.</p><p>‘I never want to wake up without you again’ Sirius whispered.</p><p>The words tugged at the werewolf’s heart. The love he felt for this man had not diminished one bit.</p><p>‘I’m not going anywhere’ he replied, knowing without a doubt that it would be impossible to let him go again.</p><p>As they kissed once more with a passion that brought their bodies alive, they pulled each other closer still, limbs entangled, still needing more.<br/>Sirius brought his hand down between their bodies and took hold of Remus’ throbbing cock, causing him to moan. Last night was the first time either of them had known any kind of pleasure in a very long time. He knew they wouldn’t last long as Remus began to pant loudly, the sensations coursing through his body explosive.</p><p>‘Sirius!’ he whispered in warning.</p><p>Sirius just grinned at him, before trailing light kisses along his jawline from his lips to the crook of his neck. He knew that Remus had a sensitive spot right behind his left ear. When he sucked on that spot Remus cried out, a thin layer of sweat covering his skin as his body tensed. He was embarrassingly close already, but he couldn’t have held back even if he had wanted to. Everything was building up inside of him, all he had to do was let it go, and he did.  He came hard, hips thrusting into Sirius’ hand as he completely lost his senses.</p><p>For two weeks the couple lived in a world of their own, undisturbed by the outside world as they rekindled the fire between them. They were living a dream, a dream that they were about to be rudely woken from.</p><p>‘What you reading?’ Remus asked as he entered the kitchen, and sat his armful of vegetables onto the kitchen table. When they were no answer he called Sirius’ name. When Sirius looked up his face fell.</p><p>‘What’s wrong?’ he asked worriedly.</p><p>‘It’s Harry’ Sirius answered, his voice breaking as he said ‘he’s been chosen to take part in the Triwizard Tournament’</p><p>Remus gasped. ‘Surely Dumbledore won’t allow him to compete!?’</p><p>‘He said he has no choice, the goblet chose him so he has to do it’</p><p>Remus didn’t know what to say. This was very bad news, first the death eater attacks at the Quidditch World Cup, Harry’s scar hurting, and now this?</p><p>‘Remus he can’t do this alone!’</p><p>‘No! Don’t you dare, don’t you dare leave me again Sirius Black!’</p><p>‘I’m just going to make sure he’s OK, I won’t stay there long. Although…’ He had suddenly had an idea.</p><p>‘Although what?’ Remus prompted.</p><p>‘Maybe I should tell him I’m staying somewhere nearby. The last thing I want is anyone to find out I’m actually living here.</p><p>Despite panicking at the thought of Sirius being anywhere but here Remus couldn’t help but smile. His gut was telling him there was no way he could stop Sirius, he was going to see Harry and that was that, but at least he was trying to protect him in the meantime. ‘When are you leaving?’ he asked sadly.</p><p>‘Tonight, I’ll go tonight. Once I know he’s ok I’ll come straight home, I promise.’</p><p>Remus froze as a sense of de ja vu washed over him. Sirius had said very similar words many years ago, when they had heard the news of James and Lily’s fate. Sirius seemed to understand so he took Remus’ hand and pulled him close.</p><p>‘I’ll never, ever leave you again Moony. I can’t live without you.’</p><p>Remus smiled sadly, but then the look in his lover’s eyes was enough to reassure him that he spoke the truth. He took a deep breath and widened his smile. ‘You need a reminder of what’s waiting for you at home?’ he teased cheekily.</p><p>‘Always’ Sirius replied.</p><p>Later that day he returned to the cave. It was surreal, everything was exactly the same, the rocks, the trickle of water, the mushrooms. He’d come prepared this time with food to eat, blankets to lie on and parchment, ink and a quill to write to Harry. He was going to see him through this. He would be the Godfather Harry deserved.</p><p> </p><p>Remus sat at home in a state of shock. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. If it had been anyone else telling him the news he would have insisted it was some sort of sick joke, but this was Dumbledore, and nobody questioned Dumbledore. You only had to glance at him to see that he was telling the truth.</p><p>‘Sirius is staying with Harry for now, but he’ll be back soon. In the meantime I’m going to rally some old friends of ours. I’ll be in touch. Remain vigilant Remus!’ and with that the old wizard stood and dissapperated on the spot.</p><p>Remus didn’t know what to do, how to process what he’d just been told: You Know Who was back! The man who had killed his friends was back and Harry; James and Lily’s little boy had faced him all alone. He understood why Sirius had to stay, Harry needed him more than ever right now. He had no idea how long he sat in the spot Dumbledore had left him in when an owl arrived with a letter. It was from Sirius.</p><p>Dumbledore told me he spoke to you. Please don’t worry, both Harry and I are fine. I’ll be home in a couple of days. I love you. S.</p><p>A couple of days? What was he supposed to do for a couple of days besides worry? He scribbled down a quick reply and lingered at the window as he watched the owl take flight. He heaved a deep sigh, closed the window, and headed back into the kitchen alone.</p><p>3 days later Sirius finally returned home. The moment he stepped through the door Remus threw his arms around him. ‘Merlin, I missed you so much’ he sighed.</p><p>Sirius smiled at him and stroked his hair. </p><p>‘I’m home, and I’m not leaving your side again. Harry is safely back at his Aunt and Uncle’s so let’s just make the most of our time alone together, yeah?’</p><p>It seemed a strange choice of words. ‘Time alone? Is someone else joining us?</p><p>‘Ah, Dumbledore didn’t tell you that part.’</p><p>‘What part Pads?’</p><p>‘He’s reforming the Order, and we’re joining again. Also I er, sorta offered my old home as headquarters.’</p><p>Remus just stared at him.</p><p>‘Your home? As in the home of the notorious Black family, supporter of You Know Who and pure blood supremacy, headquarters for the Order of the Phoenix?’</p><p>‘Er… yeah?’</p><p>Remus burst out laughing. </p><p>‘That is fucking brilliant!’ </p><p>Sirius laughed with him, not just at the perfect irony of the situation, but because seeing Remus laugh like that filled him with so much joy.</p><p> </p><p>The two men stood hand in hand on the doorstep of the building that had only just materialised in front of them.</p><p>‘Fidelius charm?’</p><p>Sirius nodded.</p><p>Inside, the house was dark, damp and dusty from being abandoned all these years. Sirius could see the look of uncertainty on his partner’s face.</p><p>‘We’ll clean it up’ he said quickly.</p><p>‘Sounds fun’ Remus replied sarcastically.</p><p>‘It won’t just be us, everyone else will help too.’</p><p>‘Everyone else? Who’s all staying here?’</p><p>‘Well the Weasleys are joining us in a few days’ time, and other Order members will be popping in and out. Dumbledore, Mad Eye, Kingsley Shaklebolt, my cousin Tonks and er…’ he paused, knowing that Remus wasn’t going to be happy with the last one, ‘Snivellus’ he finished.</p><p>Remus simply shook his head and said ‘well isn’t this going to be fun’</p><p>Sirius smiled at him lovingly. ‘We’re together, that’s all that matters. This is the real deal Remus, you remember what we signed up for last time don’t you? We’re about to go to war again. Let’s just enjoy the calm before the storm, just me and you’</p><p>It was too much to think what lay ahead, so while they waited for the Weasleys to arrive the two men chose to lose themselves in each other instead. All they needed was each other, and that was exactly what they had.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. End Of An Era - 1978</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Remus, Sirius, James and Peter were in their 7th and final year at Hogwarts. In many ways they couldn’t quite believe that it was almost over. This year they wanted to have fun, they wanted to keep up their games and pranks that let’s face it, kept everyone except Snivellus entertained, but most importantly they wanted to enjoy this last chance to just hang out together as four friends in the sanctuary that the school provided.</p><p>The world outside Hogwarts was fast becoming a scary place. Almost everyone had heard of this nut job who went by the name Lord Voldemort, who had somehow managed to convince a bunch of witches and wizards to become his ‘followers’. They were terrorizing the wizarding world and there had been many casualties already. The ministry had assured everyone that they were doing everything they could to stop them, and at the welcome feast Dumbledore had assured his students that they were all safe at Hogwarts.<br/>After this school year was over Sirius and his friends would be leaving the safety of Hogwarts behind and stepping out into this terrifying world, and they had no clue what they were going to do. It was a daunting thought, and one the four boys didn’t want to dwell on just yet. It was always in the back of their minds, and sometimes they stayed up for hours talking about what they could do to help fight this mad man, but the rest of the time they acted like any four regular teenage wizards should.</p><p>Sirius and Remus’ romance had blossomed over the last couple of years. Everyone that knew that the two of them were together could see how much they adored each other. Remus brought out the best in Sirius, and Remus had grown in confidence so much that it was easy to forget just how timid he used to be. The two young men were clearly made for each other. At first James had thought it would annoy him, seeing his two best mates all lovey dovey. He had been jealous because he had fallen head over heels for Lily Evans, the feisty red head who had spent the last seven years turning her nose up at him and his childish pranks. Eventually Lily had gotten to know James more as they struck up a very unlikely friendship, and finally that friendship had evolved into romance. </p><p>The end of term was fast approaching, exams were almost over, and the atmosphere in the Gryffindor common room was a mixture of nerves, excitement, anticipation, and celebration. It was well know that the Gryffindor’s loved a party, and party they did. Saturday nights were a lot of fun, and Sunday’s were slow and chilled, it was the perfect little bubble. Sirius had spent the last 7 years dreading the end of term and returning to his parents’ home, but this time was very very different. During the summer he had had enough, he could no longer take his family’s brutal treatment of him, and encouraged by Remus and his friends he had made his escape. He had ran away and taken in by James’ incredible parents who treated Sirius like a second Son. </p><p>In just a few weeks’ time Sirius would be returning to the potters’ home, ready to begin the next chapter of his life. These days he spent a lot of time looking back on all the adventures he’d had with his friends. So many amazing memories, and in the heart of them all was his Remus. Sirius smiled at himself as his fingers strummed at the muggle guitar he had found at James’ house and his father had let him keep. He’d started learning it out of spite of his parents, knowing how much it would anger them, but then realised that he had a natural talent for it and enjoyed singing and making music. He’d learned a cool spell that made it sound like other instruments were playing along with him as he played.</p><p>The type of music he played reflected whichever mood he was in; sometimes it was hard rock when he needed to deal with his frustrations, country music when he was feeling more chilled , or some disco, just for fun. Today he was strumming a soft ballad as his thoughts turned to the boy sitting across from him once again. They were all sat around the fireplace; James on the sofa beside him with Lily sat on the floor at his feet, her head resting against his knees, Peter in the armchair looking like it might swallow him whole, and Remus by the fireplace with his nose buried in a book as always.</p><p>If I had words to make a day for you</p><p>I’d sing you a morning golden and new</p><p>It was a song he’d heard on the muggle radio he’d stolen from Filch’s office, and the words had instantly made him think of their special mornings spent together in the shak.</p><p>I would make this day last for all time</p><p>Give you a night dipped in moonshine</p><p>As he continued to sing the words he looked up at Remus. Remus was still looking at his book, but he could see the smile that played on his lips. By the end of the song they were both looking at each other, the music filled the room but it was as though they were the only ones in it. Both of them were wondering the exact same thing: how had they been so lucky? Remus’ heart swelled with love for the gorgeous young man sitting across from him, his best friend, the love of his life. He knew in that moment that no matter what happened when they left Hogwarts, as long as they were together they would be OK.</p><p> </p><p>One day to go. Just one last day in this castle Sirius called home. He still had no clue what he was going to do next, what sort of career he was going to pursue in the wizarding world. His first thought was auror. After all of their midnight talks Sirius had found himself thinking that maybe he could help fight the bad guys like this Lord Voldemort. He had passed all his exams, McGonagall had told him he was a gifted duelist, and he knew his animagi form would be a great advantage. This is what he told Dumbledore when the headmaster had called the four of them into his office to question their future plans, leaving out the animagi part of course. The boys had assumed this was standard practice until Dumbledore mentioned Voldemort.</p><p>‘I am very pleased to hear of your future intentions Mr Black, and you too Mr Potter, I’m sure you would both make fine aurors. Mr Lupin I have no doubt you could achieve anything you put your brilliant mind too.’</p><p>Remus blushed.</p><p>‘However I have an offer I’d like to make if I may. You no doubt know of the increasing severity of this war we now face, between Voldemort and his self-proclaimed Death Eaters, and the rest of the wizarding world. The ministry would have you believe that things are under control, but I can tell you now that they are not. I have put together an organisation of loyal, and skilled friends who are willing to fight beside me. You four boys have proven to be skilled, courageous and smart in your many rebellious adventures over the years, and I would very much like you to join us and use those skills to help us in our fight.’ </p><p>The four students were utterly stunned. They were only 18 years old, why on earth would Dumbledore need them? Dumbledore cold see that they were unsure so he pressed on. </p><p>‘You do not need to make any decisions immediately. I am asking for your service, and in return you will be under my protection.’</p><p>‘What does that mean?’ asked Peter nervously.</p><p>‘Well, the Order has many hideouts and safe houses, no one knows of their existence. The four of you would be more than welcome to live in one of the houses’</p><p>The four boys all looked at each other in surprise. Dumbledore was giving them a house? This was madness, they hadn’t even left school yet and they were being asked to fight a war and in return they were being given a home? </p><p>‘I’m in’ Sirius said suddenly without another moment’s hesitation.</p><p>Dumbledore beamed at him but James stared at him in surprise.</p><p>‘I can’t live with your parents forever’ Sirius explained with a shrug ‘and I want to fight. I’ve been fighting against people like this my whole life’</p><p>This was his fight, these were the people that had tried to raise him, and the kind of people he despised.</p><p>‘If he’s in then so am I’ said James ‘but what about Lily?’</p><p>‘Ah yes, I have already spoken with Miss Evans, and she seems very keen to aid us too’</p><p>‘Will she be given one of your safe houses, even though her parents are muggles?’</p><p>‘She has been offered the same protection as you’ Dumbledore confirmed.</p><p>Only Remus and Peter were yet to say anything. </p><p>‘Moony?’ Sirius asked, nudging him gently to get his attention. He was looking at his two best friends incredulously, not quite believing how quickly they were jumping into this.</p><p>‘Has everyone gone mad? We’re eighteen! We’re literally just finishing school. Do you have any idea what you’re signing up for? This isn’t a game Sirius, people are getting killed every day. We could get killed! You could get killed!!’</p><p>‘Exactly! That’s why we need to stop it!’</p><p>‘We’re just teenagers, what can we do?’</p><p>With a sideways glance at Dumbledore Sirius lowered his voice and said ‘We have skills we could use’ </p><p>‘And what about me?’ said Remus, who did not possess the skills his three friends had acquired.</p><p>‘Remus Lupin you are literally the smartest wizard I have ever known, if there was anyone I would want by my side in a situation like this it would be you’ then taking his hand he said gently ‘look, I’m terrified of losing you too, all of you, but we can actually help, we can make a difference. Don’t let the people like my family win, they’re on the wrong side.’</p><p>Remus knew he was right. ‘OK’ he sighed ‘you’re right’ and Sirius squeezed his hand tight.</p><p>‘Mr Pettigrew?’ Dumbledore asked.</p><p>‘Oh! Me? Um, yeah, if they’re all doing it then I guess I’ll do it too’ he said quickly, and with that it was decided that the four Marauders would join the Order of the Phoenix.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. The First Wizarding War - 1979</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>‘I could get used to this’ Remus sighed happily.</p><p>Sirius smiled down at him. They had been living together for a few weeks now in one of Dumbledore’s safe houses. Waking up in each other’s arms every morning was still a novelty, it all seemed rather grown up all of a sudden. James had moved in with Lily, and Peter had chosen to stay at home with his parents, although he was a frequent visitor at both houses. Dumbledore was another frequent visitor as he had wasted no time in inducting him to the Order.</p><p>Their induction had been intense, they had met all the other members and had been briefed on all the latest movements of Voldemort. Some of the stories were terrifying, his army had grown dramatically and many witches and wizards were now living in fear. The boys and Lily had not been prepared for just how bad things had become, but it had made them all the more determined to help. This war was now the most important thing in their lives, so it made rare moments like a morning in bed a blessing.</p><p>‘Can we just stay here until everyone arrives?’ Remus asked.</p><p>‘That sounds like an excellent plan’ Sirius grinned, and rolled over to wrap his lover in his arms.</p><p>He wasted no time in bringing their lips together to kiss him tenderly, their naked bodies seeming to melt together into one. The rest of the world seemed forgotten and it was as though they were the only two people in the world. Very soon their kisses became more urgent as their need for each other grew. Sirius let out a low moan as Remus took him in hand. This was definitely going to be an enjoyable morning.</p><p> </p><p>James, Lily, Peter, Dumbledore and a few other order members all gathered in their living room later that afternoon. It was a strategy planning meeting. They had received information on the whereabouts of a group of Death Eaters in hiding. These Death Eaters were sneaky; very rarely seen and they had been targeting small wizarding villages to recruit for Voldemort’s army. Everywhere they went people went missing, and they never left a trace behind, until now.</p><p>The plan was to send in a small team to observe only, figure out how they were operating, and then report back to Dumbledore. Sirius volunteered himself and his friends for the reconnaissance mission. Dumbledore refused at first, but Sirius argued that they had been experts of sneaking around Hogwarts for 7 years, if anyone was qualified for the job it was then. Dumbledore didn’t know about the cloak or that 3 out of 4 of them were animagi, so he understandably had his doubts, but in the end they managed to persuade them. </p><p>‘Alright, but I want Lily and Miss Longbottom to go with you, send a signal to them if you are in danger and they will be able to get you help.’</p><p>Everyone agreed. There was no denying the thought of their first mission was terrifying, but they all felt the adrenaline too. It felt like all their school years at Hogwarts had been leading up to this.</p><p>The next day the 6 of them apperrated to the neighbouring village to the one the Death Eaters had last been seen in. Disguised as Padfoot and Wormtail, Sirius and Peter entered the village to see what they could find out. Every door and window was closed, the shops all shut. It was like a ghost town. They almost gave up when Sirius suddenly spotted an open window on the very end house. They both approached and Sirius motioned to Peter to crawl inside. He seemed to be gone quite some time before he returned and the two left quickly. </p><p>Back with the others Peter relayed what he had heard: the Death Eaters seemed to be appearing in the dead of night, and every morning someone new would be missing, no bodies were ever found, they were just gone. No one knew if the victims had joined the dark side, or been killed for resisting. The couple he had overheard had also mentioned a protection spell around the village. Sirius and Peter had passed it no problem so they assumed their animagi forms had fooled it. If they were going to report back to Dumbledore they had to figure out how the Death Eaters were getting in.</p><p>‘We’ll go back tonight with James’ said Sirus. Remus you wait just outside the border and take James’ cloak. Anything happens you send a signal to the girls ok?’</p><p>James and Remus nodded. Peter looked as though he might cry, he was afraid but he wanted to prove he was just as brave as his friends. Once it was dark he clung onto James’ antlers with his tiny paws as they made their way into the village. They had agreed to split up. Remus was stationed just off the main road leading into the village. There was an open field behind a block of houses where Wormtail waited, Prongs followed a small lane leading off to some woods nearby, and Padfoot took the second main road further down the hill. </p><p>Nothing stirred for quite some time. Peter was bored and took to peering in the windows of each of the houses. Most of them were either dark or empty, but he was surprised to find an old man putting on his coat and hat and make for the door in one. Keeping to the shadows he followed the man as he made his way through the village. He watched as the man neared the main road entrance, took out his wand, and muttered a spell. A shimmer of light told him that the protection spell had been lifted. So that’s how they were getting in; they had someone on the inside!</p><p>He watched in horror as at least 20 Death Eaters suddenly appeared before him, all wearing terrifying silver masks to hide their faces. His immediate reaction was to flee, but instead of running back to Sirius and James to warn them he made a run for it. He might have gotten far too if he hadn’t bumped into the invisible form of Remus waiting nearby!</p><p>‘Where are you going?’ Remus hissed.</p><p>The rat made to run again but the boy reached down and picked him up, slipping him under the cloak.</p><p>‘I seen them too, someone’s letting them in. Where are the others?</p><p>‘Did you hear that?’ came the voice of one of the Death Eaters.</p><p>Remus froze and held on tightly to Wormtail as he tried to escape again. He ever so slowly backed away as the man who had spoken moved towards him, but then he tripped on a rock and nearly fell over completely. As he struggled to regain his balance Wormtail saw his chance and jumped out of his hands, making a run for it again.</p><p>‘Hey, did you see that rat appear out of thin air? Where did he come from?’</p><p>‘Someone’s there!’ another Death Eater cried.</p><p>Remus had to think fast. The Death Eater cast revelio but the cloak was powerful enough that it didn’t work. </p><p>‘You idiot, I’ll do it. Stupi….’</p><p>Before the second Death Eater could finish the spell he was suddenly knocked to the ground. Stunned he looked up to find a huge black dog towering over him, teeth bared and ready to attack. The first Death Eater fired at Padfoot but he was quick and got out of the way in time. The spell hit the man instead knocking him unconscious. Sirius dodged a second spell then leapt him, catching him on the side with his sharp claws. </p><p>Remus watched in horror as the two fought. He was afraid to cast his own spell at the Death Eater in case it hit Sirius instead. Sirius was relentlessly lashing and biting at the man while dodging his spells. One wrong move and Remus couldn’t bear to think what it would mean. He had to something! Making sure the first Death Eater was still unconscious he ran towards the woods to find James. </p><p>To his relief he found the stag quickly. James was startled at the sound of his voice appearing beside him but leapt into action when Remus told him what was happening. As a stag James was very fast, so by the time Remus made it back both Death Eaters were lying on the ground. They sent a signal to the girls to inform them they were coming back immediately, and had just started to make their way when Remus remembered Peter. </p><p>No one knew where he was, but Remus was certain he had seen him run away from the village, not towards it. Sure enough when they made it back to their hide out Peter was already there. Lily burst into tears and ran towards James, throwing her arms around him. A signal was sent to Dumbledore and the 6 of them apparrated back to headquarters where they explained everything. If anything the mission had confirmed what Dumbledore had feared; Voldemort had spies. They would have to be very careful who to trust from now on.</p><p> </p><p>Remus was very quiet when they returned to their home.</p><p>‘You Ok?’ Sirius asked him.</p><p>There was no answer.</p><p>‘We did good, you know?’ he tried again.</p><p>Still no answer, so Sirius got up and put his arm around him. Eventually Remus looked up, tears filling his eyes. ‘I was so scared’ he whispered.</p><p>‘It’s ok, you were safe under the cloak, and there was no way I was letting those Death Eaters near you’</p><p>‘No, I wasn’t scared for me, watching you fight… Sirius I was terrified, one wrong move…. I can’t lose you’ he croaked as the tears fell.</p><p>Sirius held him tight. ‘I was scared too’ he confessed ‘but you had my back, you went and got Prongs. I wish you’d seen how that Death Eater went flying’ he chuckled, describing how James had charged at him. </p><p>Remus tried to smile too as Sirius stroked his hair and kissed him lightly on the head. Feeling comforted he realised he was right and asked ‘You know what the difference between us and them is?’</p><p>‘They have creepy masks?’ Sirius joked.</p><p>‘We have each other. That was the Death Eaters’ weakness’ he explained. ‘They were both fighting for themselves. As long as we’re together we can face anything, right?’</p><p>‘Exactly’</p><p>‘And as long as you’re by my side I feel like I can do anything’</p><p>‘Then I promise to never leave it’ Sirius said firmly.</p><p>‘Don’t make promises you can’t keep Sirius’</p><p>‘I’m serious, I’ll always be with you. No matter what.’</p><p>One look in his eyes and Remus knew he meant it. Their first mission had brought home the reality of what lay ahead, and they knew a lot worse was to come, but they had each other and they would face it together.</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. The Order - 1995</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Harry had been having visions. He’d written to his Godfather to tell him about them, and Sirius and Remus were getting increasingly worried. They’d mentioned it to Molly and Dumbledore too. The order were continuing their fight against Voldemort from their secret base in Sirius’ childhood home. This was not what the ex-convict had envisioned his life would come to, back here, haunted by the memories.</p><p>He’d had a brief few months of heaven, still on the run but he had been safe in the arms of his love in their secluded little cottage. Leaving it behind had been tough on the both of them, they’d just found their way back to one another and now it had all changed again. They were still together, and those in the order that knew of their relationship never even bothered to ask. The newer recruits were unaware.</p><p>One such new recruit was Sirius’ younger cousin Nymphadora Tonks. She was a feisty Hufflepuff whose name had also been scored out of the family tree like Sirius’ had. She was a talented auror and a great addition to the team. Many a time Sirius found himself reminiscing of the old team, with James and Lily by their sides. Everything was so familiar, like the last 12 years had been a nightmare and he’d woke up to find himself exactly where he had left off. Yet it was so very different now, now they had to protect Harry, no matter the cost.</p><p>Everyone in the Order was committing 100% to the cause, and by Christmastime they were all very glad to have an excuse to try take a breather. Harry had come to stay with them along with the Weasley children, and they didn’t want to frighten them, they were just children after all. Both Sirius and Remus were glad to see Harry, and had envisioned a week of much frivolity and celebration to take their minds off of everything, but before the holidays could even begin disaster struck.</p><p>Harry’s visions had gotten worse, and he told them they had started to feel like they were real, like he was really there. One night he had awoke a sweating, terrified mess after seeing a vision of Mr Weasley attacked by Voldemort’s snake, Nagini. Dumbledore had jumped to action and sent instructions off to the Order to check on Mr Weasley at once, but refused to explain anything more to Harry himself. Harry had been furious at being pushed aside like a child and had come to his Godfather for answers.</p><p>‘Harry I can’t answer that. I know Voldemort is a skilled legilimens, perhaps he is planting these visions in your head to lure you into a trap?’</p><p>‘But it doesn’t feel like a vision, Sirius, it was like I was the snake attacking Mr Weasley’</p><p>Sirius grimaced. ‘Well, I have to admit that’s a new one to me, but the main thing is we got to Arthur quickly and he lives to tell the tale. You saved his life Harry.’ He watched the boy with fondness, it was like he’d travelled back in time and was sitting here with James.</p><p>‘But what if it happens again?’</p><p>‘Then we do the same thing, we save our own. That’s what makes us different than him you see, we are team, a family. Voldemort doesn’t know what that’s like’</p><p>‘But what if it’s you?’ Harry asked quietly.</p><p>‘Voldemort can’t get to me’ Sirius said, without really thinking but wanted to reassure him. ‘Now that’s enough of this for now Harry, dinner will be ready soon’ </p><p>They both stood up and hugged each other. </p><p>‘I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you too’ the young boy said. </p><p>Sirius stood to face him. ‘Harry the ones we love never really leave us, you can always find them’ he placed a hand to the boy’s heart and said ‘in here’</p><p> </p><p>After the children went back to Hogwarts the Order got back to business, and Sirius and Remus were sent on a recon mission with Tonks. Tonks, whose hair was a black Mohawk today and changed style and colour on a regular basis as she was a metamorphmagus, seemed particularly pleased about this, and it was only a couple of days into their mission that Sirius finally figured out why. </p><p>They had been staying in an abandoned cottage on the edge of a wizarding town. It was believed a group of Death Eaters had a base here and they were to find the location, try and gain intel and then report back. They went into town in pairs leaving one person behind to guard their base. This time it was Remus who was left behind while the two cousins ventured out together. As they walked they talked quietly, and after a while Sirius realised that the only thing the girl seemed interested in talking about was Remus. He watched as a small blush crept up on her cheeks and a sudden possessiveness washed over him.</p><p>‘Wait a minute, do you fancy him!?’ he asked rather childishly. </p><p>Tonks smiled shyly and said ‘is it obvious?’</p><p>Sirius didn’t know what to say, he didn’t know if Remus wanted her to know they were together but at the same time he was his! </p><p>‘No, I wouldn’t say so’ he replied carefully.</p><p>‘Do you think he knows?’ she asked.</p><p>‘Well, he hasn’t mentioned it, but you know, these are really scary times we live in. Maybe now isn’t the best time to… you know… anything’</p><p>‘That’s not the way I see it, I’d say now is the perfect time to start something, live while we can’</p><p>Sirius had to admit she had a point.</p><p>‘You two are best friends right? Will you talk to him for me?’</p><p>‘What? Me? I can’t do that!’</p><p>‘Why not?’ she asked, sounding hurt.</p><p>‘Well… I don’t know… I wouldn’t know what to say… I’m no good with this stuff… I’ve been in a cell for 12 years’</p><p>‘Oh, ok’ she said sadly and then asked ‘do you think he likes me?’</p><p>He wanted to say no, he loves me, it will only ever be me, but he couldn’t, so he gave a non-committal shrug.</p><p> </p><p>Remus was completely taken aback when Sirius told him the news.</p><p>‘Me? Really? But you’re the gorgeous one!’</p><p>‘Have you seen me recently Moony? I’m not exactly the dashing heartthrob I once was’</p><p>‘You are to me’ Remus replied with a grin.</p><p>The pair of them were getting ready for bed. They had taken the twin room for appearances but once the bedroom door was closed they could be themselves again, so long as they were quiet.</p><p>‘Hm, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you’re just trying to butter me up’</p><p>‘Whatever for?’ he feigned innocence.</p><p>‘This!’ Sirius exclaimed, before practically pouncing on him, pushing him onto the bed as he climbed on top of him.</p><p>‘Tonks has very good taste’ he murmured as he nibbled his ear ‘she’d be lucky to have you’</p><p>‘Well she’s never going to have me because I am yours’</p><p>Sirius stopped to look at him, a sudden thought crossing his mind.<br/>‘You might not always be’</p><p>‘What? What do you mean?’</p><p>‘Do you remember how many people we lost last time Moony? I’ll always love you, for as long as I live, but for all we know that could be for a very short time.’</p><p>‘What are you saying?’</p><p>‘Just that we might not have a very long time together, and… if anything were to happen to me… I don’t want to see you waste your life Remus. You’ve been so lonely while I was gone, if I don’t make it through this and you do, I want to you to live your life, be with someone like Tonks who by the sounds of it cares about you a hell of a lot’</p><p>Remus wanted to argue, if he lost Sirius he’d never be able to love anyone again! But he could see how much this meant to him so he nodded slowly and said ‘Ok Pads, if it means that much to you I promise, but you’re not going anywhere, I just got you back. We’re going to get through this together and win this time!’</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. The Spy - 1981</h2></a>
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    <p>“You can’t tell anyone, not even Remus”</p><p>“Why can’t I tell Remus?”</p><p>“Because he could be the spy”</p><p>“Come on James, Moony is not a spy for Voldemort”</p><p>“Are you absolutely sure about that? Are you willing to put me and my family’s life at risk to test that?”</p><p>Sirius’ head bowed as he admitted defeat “No” he said finally. “I suppose he was pretty damn good at keeping secrets from us before”</p><p>James nodded. “So it’s settled, Peter will be our secret keeper, but we’ll tell the order it’s you”</p><p>It was a terrifying time. Voldemort was after James and Lily’s baby boy, Harry, because there had been a prophecy that said he could be his downfall. Sirius looked at the sleeping bundle in his cradle. Such a tiny little thing, so innocent, so pure. How could anyone want to cause him harm? But the greatest dark wizard of all time had made it his mission to kill this child, and anyone who stood in his way. </p><p>The Potters had gone into hiding, and a fidelius charm placed on their home. At the last minute Lily and James had decided to change who their secret keeper would be, to throw their enemies off their scent. The war the Mauraders had been fighting for years now since they left Hogwarts raged on, Voldemort had become more powerful than ever, and the entire wizarding world was in devastation. Amid all this Sirius and his friends tried to find joy where they could. James and Lily had married and started a family, Sirius and Remus were still living together and still very much in love, and Peter… well Peter came and went, he just seemed to be there. The Order was still the leading force in the fight against Voldemort and his Death Eaters, and everyone was doing all they could to protect the ones they loved.</p><p>Sirius arrived home after his visit to the Potters’ new home.</p><p>“How did it go?” Remus asked, looking up from today’s copy of the Daily Prophet.</p><p>“The fidelius charm is set up. I’m er… I’m their secret keeper” he lied.</p><p>“Good” nodded Remus.</p><p>“How’s your day been?” Sirius asked, as he crossed the room to sit down beside him, putting an arm around his shoulders and kissing him lightly on the side of the head.</p><p>“It’s been OK, still feeling rough from the transformation a couple of nights ago”</p><p>Sirius could see how tired he looked. “How about I run you a nice bath? I can join you if you want?”</p><p>“Mmmmmm…. That does sound nice”</p><p>After a delightful evening Sirius lay awake in bed, unable to sleep. Had they really just put all their trust; James, Lily and Harry’s lives in the hands of Peter? He hoped beyond everything that they had made the right choice. He couldn’t live with himself if they hadn’t.</p><p> </p><p>It couldn’t be true!!! It had to false information, planted to lure them out! He had to find Sirius, Sirius would tell him that Dumbledore had it all wrong, and that his friends were fine, that it was a vicious lie, that they were still alive. Dumbledore had told him under no circumstances was he to leave his home, but he couldn’t think straight, he needed to find Sirius!</p><p>After an hour of searching the panic took hold. Remus staggered to a bench and sat down, his head in his hands. He had looked everywhere he could think of, everywhere except… and then it struck him. The only place he hadn’t looked was James and Lily’s house. Why hadn’t he just gone their first, seen that his friends were alive and well and returned home? And then he realised that he hadn’t gone because he didn’t know where it was, Sirius had never told him.</p><p>But why wouldn’t he tell me? He thought, and then it hit him like a bludger made of stone had just crashed into his ribs. He sold them out, he told Voldemort where he could find them! He’s been the spy all along! His head spun, he felt physically sick, his eyes stung with tears that were flowing freely down his face. He had no idea how long he sat there, stricken in his grief. Eventually, every ounce of his energy spent he stood up in a daze. He made to go home, but then realised with another heart wrenching ache that he couldn’t. He made for one of Dumbledore’s safe houses instead, one he knew Sirius didn’t know of. </p><p> </p><p>Sirius rounded the corner, his eyes never leaving the blonde figure he was following. Anger and pain seethed from every ounce of his body, setting him afire. He choked back tears, determined to make the rat pay. He should never have allowed James to change his mind… if he’d just been persistent, if he had persuaded him that he was the ONLY person he could trust. A fresh wave of anger erupted as he broke into a run. Peter had been the spy all this time! And now James and Lily were dead, and little Harry orphaned. <br/>Finally he saw his chance. The stupid rat had backed himself into a corner. There was a large group of people nearby, some of which looked like muggles, so he’d have to be really careful. He wanted to kill him, make him pay for what he’d done, but Sirius was not a murderer. Before he could make his move Peter spotted him and squealed.</p><p>“I should have known it was you” Sirius murmured, seemingly to himself as he stalked closer to Peter. He appeared deranged as he gained on him. “You spineless, filthy, good for nothing traitor!”</p><p>When Sirius brandished his wand the crowd erupted. Too many things happened at once; half the crowd broke into a panic amid screams and cries, others, presumably muggles, clapped and cheered as though watching a play, and Peter made to escape. </p><p>“Oh no you don’t” he shouted as he fired a powerful spell in the other man’s direction. The crowd screamed and ran, but it was too late. His spell must have been far more forceful than he thought. Suddenly Peter was flung backwards as a gigantic explosion all but disintegrated the wall behind him, green sparks raining down on him. Sirius swore he hadn’t fired that hard, but as he ran towards his old friend/now enemy he realised he was gone. </p><p>A sickening jolt ran through his body as he bent down to the ground to discover nothing but a finger. What had he done? In a blur of pure panic Sirius turned and ran, he knew it was too late, the damage was already done, the explosion had been so huge and not one person was left standing.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone he loved was gone. James, Lily and now Peter were dead, baby Harry taken to live with his Aunt and Uncle, and Sirius…. If Remus ever saw him again he would kill him himself. How had this happened? How had it all turned into a nightmare? One minute he was safe in the arms of the man he loved, the next he was alone, betrayed, his heart ripped in two. It seemed impossible to go on. </p><p>But go on he did. Sirius was eventually captured and trialled for the murder of Peter Pettigrew and the innocent bystanders at the scene, and the deaths of James and Lily Potter through betrayal. He was sentenced to life in Azkaban. Remus did not go to the hearing, he never wanted to see him again. He was so consumed in his grief that while all around him the wizarding world celebrated the downfall of Voldemort, who had miraculously disappeared after his failed attempt to kill Harry Potter, Remus went into exile. Little Harry Potter had become famous overnight, the world would move on in time, but Remus would never be the same again. He had lost everything</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. The End - 1996</h2></a>
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    <p>Sunlight beamed in from the open window. Remus stood beside it, watching the quiet world below. Everything from the birds to the trees to the bright sun itself told a lie, insisting that all was right with the world. But Remus knew the truth, knew what dangers lay out there, he had fought this war before. He sighed heavily.</p><p>‘Well now we can’t have that’ came a voice from behind, before strong arms wrapped themselves around him and pulled him close.</p><p>‘It’s just so deceiving’ Remus explained.</p><p>‘Mmmm’ Sirius hummed ‘or maybe it’s the worlds way of encouraging us, urging us to forget, and to come back to bed with me’ he said, whispering the last part, tugging at Remus’ waist.</p><p>‘Well when you put it like that’ </p><p>He allowed himself to be led back to the bed and pulled down onto it. Their bodies were instantly wrapped around each other as always, their lips meshed together breathlessly as Sirius hummed in delight against them. In that moment all was right with the world. He had the love of his life in his arms, and they were together and they were safe. As Sirius started to kiss and nibble at his neck he cast all other thoughts aside as the world melted away. All that existed was this moment; the feel of Sirius’ fingers buried in his hair as their bodies moved as one, their confined cocks rubbing against one another. Remus pushed at him gently but forcefully, never breaking their kiss, before removing his underwear. Sirius removed his own in turn and pulled Remus back down on top of him, a little harder than he had intended.</p><p>They both laughed and looked in each other’s eyes, both sets sparkling with mirth. </p><p>‘I wish I could bottle this feeling’ Remus murmured. ‘You make me so happy Sirius. I don’t know how I survived without you, you’re the best part of me’</p><p>‘Right back at you’ Sirius grinned, before kissing him again.</p><p>An hour or so later they lay in each other’s arms, satisfied and content. Sirius was lazily trailing his fingers up and down Remus’ shoulder. They would have to go back to the real world soon, back to the war, but until then would savour every single moment they had.</p><p> </p><p>How had this happened? How had Harry got so caught up in it? He was supposed to be safe at Hogwarts!</p><p>Sirius and Remus had just been told some terrifying news from Dumbledore; Harry and his friends had gone to the Ministry of Magic, looking for the prophecy about Harry and Voldemort. The Dark Lord was searching for it too, believing it held critical information. Dumbledore was certain it was a trap, and instructed all Order members to go there at once.</p><p>When Sirius and Remus arrived it was to utter chaos. There were Death Eaters everywhere. Harry, Ron, Hermione and a few of their other friends were trying to hold them off, but they were no match. Everyone burst into action immediately, firing spells at all enemies within reach. Adrenaline coursed through Sirius’ body, he’d never felt so alive. He glanced across the room at Remus and felt his heart leap. It was just like old times, the two of them fighting side by side. There was no room for fear, he knew that as long as they were together they were unstoppable. Everything was a blur. Out of the corner of his eye he saw a jet of red light shoot from a wand, sending a Death Eater flying through the air, and land in a crumpled heap. </p><p>‘Nice on James!’ he called to the familiar figure.</p><p>The battle moved to and fro like the tide, Sirius honing in on their enemies and paying very little attention to his surroundings. He heard an all too familiar cackle from the opposite end of the room that made him stop in his tracks and spotted his cousin Bellatrix fighting Ginny Weasley. She looked as crazed as ever, eyes bulging from her head as she swung her wand in every direction, deflecting blows and firing them back instantly. Suddenly their eyes met over the throng and an evil grin spread over her face.</p><p>‘Oh look, it’s my dear cousin. Where have you been hiding?’</p><p>He wasn’t going to take the bait. He gritted his teeth and began to fire spells at her, the pair of them becoming increasingly aggressive, Ginny forgotten. Remus spotted them, and although still fighting his own battle his attention was on his lover as he fought. He was mesmerized; Sirius seemed to be radiating pure energy. Remus thought he’d never look more beautiful, and watched as he continued to step backwards, completely absorbed in his fight, desperate to get revenge on the family that had disowned him. </p><p>It happened in the blink of an eye. Bellatrix’s spell hit him square in the chest and Remus froze. He waited for Sirius to fight back again. The man could take a hit, surely this was not going to stop him, but Sirius was still stumbling backwards. And then Remus noticed it; the veil on the platform, the rift between worlds. Sirius was backing straight into it…. And then he was gone. A heart wrenching cry burst through his clouded mind and Remus realised it was not his own. Harry was just in front of him, and had seen Sirius disappear in the veil. He ran forwards and flung his arms around him, holding him tight as the young boy struggled to break free. </p><p>He let Harry voice his agony as he held onto him, using him to ground himself to this earth because the best part of him had just left it. His very heart had just been ripped from his chest and he suddenly ached in ways he could never have imagined, his anguish trapped inside his body, fighting to get out until he felt he was going to choke on it. He was gone! He was gone! He broke his promise, he said he wouldn’t leave! Everything was numb, he couldn’t hear, he couldn’t see, and then Harry broke free of his grasp.</p><p>For a moment he thought the boy was going to run through the veil after him, and perhaps he was if he hadn’t been hit by a spell that knocked him over. Harry pushed himself up and began to fight back. Remus looked around him, the battle was still waging on, though he no longer felt part of it, as though he wasn’t really there at all. Sirius was gone! He was gone.</p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Death hadn’t been so bad. One second he was there, the next he was not. There had been no pain, no time for sadness, in the blink of an eye he’d left one world behind for another. The details were getting hazy now; he remembered there had been a lot of people there, a battle he thought. He remembered his attention had been drawn to something, no not something… someone. Remus. </p><p>Sirius looked around him, searching, but there was nothing or no one to be found. Where was he? Then he spotted it; the familiar archway. Remus! He started to walk towards it.</p><p>‘You can’t go back’ came a voice from behind him.</p><p>Sirius turned around and nodded at the man walking towards him as though had expected him to be there all along.</p><p>‘I just need to see him’</p><p>‘You can’t go back Pads, you have to come with me now. We’ll see him again’</p><p>James’ calm words seemed to sooth him and he found that his feet had already started taking him towards his old friend.</p><p>‘Thank you for keeping your promise’ James said quietly as they walked side by side, the archway shrinking in the distance behind them ‘Thank you for taking care of my Son’</p><p> </p><p>There was no concept of time in this strange place. Sirius caught glimpses of the world beyond, of Harry and his friends and of Remus. He watched a story unfold, a world at war that seemed all too familiar. He watched a romance blossom, a new life brought into the world. He played no part in Remus’ happiness now, but it brought about a sense of peace all the same. Sometimes it seemed as though he felt his lover’s thoughts, that they were the string that tethered him to the world he’d not quite left behind. So long as a part of him remained with Remus, he could never truly leave.</p><p>‘It’s time’ said James.</p><p>They walked together through the swirling mists until they could see the figure approaching them in the distance. The figure came into focus and Sirius found that he was running, shapes and colours suddenly flashing past his vision until they came to a stop in front of one another.</p><p>‘Miss me?’ he found himself asking.</p><p>‘Like you wouldn’t believe’ the man smiled. He was younger than he remembered, skin smooth and scar free. </p><p>Sirius reached out to stroke his face. ‘Let’s go home’ he said.</p><p>Hand in hand they approached James, now accompanied by Lily. There was a sense of completion, and Sirius knew that he no longer needed to look back. The four friends walked on, ready to discover what awaited them on the other side.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>AN: Thank you so much for reading my fic. It took me a long time to write as I kept getting distracted with other projects, but I'm pleased with how the pictures in my head have come out. I hope you've enjoyed it too.</p><p>Would love some feedback!<br/>Thanks,<br/>Morgorah</p>
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